The Getaway From Reality.

Future plans that I hope would work out haha.

2012-01-28T04:25:00.000-05:00

Guilty as charged. Cos I really don't want to annoy that person to death by saying 'HAR?!' for like 589741365972 times. Maximum 3 times lah. After that I either smile or laugh. Usually its a question, so I looked retarded for smiling when I'm supposed to answer. Oh well. Haha like the watermark says Forever Alone with 9GAG.COM. Freaking addictive lah that site.

I've been a lazy bum for almost two months now. Next month, I'll start getting a job for more work experience and yes I'll be joking if I said its not for the money too. Of course it'll be awesome that I can have fun and get paid at the same time.

I might not be that clueless anymore but I'm just not very sure that I'm making the RIGHT choice. The choice is kinda made already. I'm considered not very fickle already, but there's still some doubts hanging in the air. I am positive about the course I know I'll enjoy and start to like. But apparently the courses I'm interested in, is in other words the NO-FUTURE-COURSE. Which suck lah, that I might have a great time studying it, but nobody would give me the chance to work my whole life in it.

Employment opportunities in that course can't be ZERO. Sure got one. I think. I hope. What I like to tell myself is that as long as you're willing to work hard, you'll surely get hired. I've never been hired enough to get fired. I need to go work and toughen up myself so that when I get fired, I won't sulk like its the end of the world and look for another one.

I longed to thick-skinned and not care about what people think about me to keep what's left of my self-esteem. But still be open to criticism or else I'll be forever hated/unemployed/alone/loser. I think I've been thru most of the fun part in life already which is damn sad.

Next comes, uni life. College life isn't really that carefree like what people used to say. Then comes the working world, not really looking forward to working FULL-TIME. Part time while studying still interests me. Retirement seems so faraway. Not sure whether I'm ever gonna make it. Dying......worry about that later lah :P

For now I should never stop reading, learning as much as I can. Less thinking, just more learning. I shouldn't keep over-analyzing stuffs also :(

Pick up more skills/languages/instruments, to make up for my non-existent talent. Of course I would not abandon my piano that I've been learning for more than 10 years. I haven't been exactly serious nor passionate about that. There MUST be something I'm good at.

Its just a matter of days till I'm gonna move out to work for awhile and then move somewhere nearer to my uni and study for another few years and then hopefully graduates. WHEE. An awesome plan. In between, yeah family and friends comes in.

Still won't give up my wish to travel the world. Backpacking hehehehe. Should try not to be very attached to anything/everything so it'll be easier to get around. Moving out would be the important part of my maturing process. Taking care of myself after years of taking things for granted, SIGH.

I need have things taken away from me in order for me to start appreciating it. Like my mom says, I NEED to learn things the HARD way. I really do. Haha, easy way I don't want. Something wrong with me. G'dayyyyyyyyy :)))))))))))))))))))))))

sunnyshing

2012-01-20T08:23:00.002-05:00

I like this gif. Haha times new roman. I miss having assignments. This is a gif that consist of some of my favorite things in the world(sunsets, trees, bubbles, my toy dinosaur in a car called Dino) made by an awesome talented faraway nice friend, Audra :) For some reasons, this gif made me think about college last year. Somehow the crappy yet interesting yet fun year last year, is starting to take a toll on me. The same old time machine crap, maybe? I've been trying to choke myself with chick flicks hoping to treat that old hag disease I have. Yes the urban dictionary definition. If not, it would be the other really scary syndrome that would keep me up at night and I might just shit my pants.

Grumpy old lady, that's what I am. I guess I'm just really frustrated with myself for not knowing what the hell to do with my life. Getting a full-time job for a few months is a must. Its for the few months after the few months of working plan which is not sorted out. Of course I regretted not studying hard....enough. There are still universities who wants me. Or rather that I'm still in position to choose what I want to do and where I want to go to do what I want to do. I guess the consolation prize would be that I get to study the same thing for a cheaper fee and save Dad's money. I guess that's how I comfort myself.

Yes I do still feel like a failure. So yeah thanks, to the people that made me feel that way. Enough with the freaking comparison. Seriously go adopt smart children somewhere else okay, cos I'm just not. I hope I've learned my lesson. And do well in uni. Laziness begone! Procrastinating is just so damn addictive D:

Ok plan. With hopes not so high up, I can be calm and not so sad to plan for Plan B. Yes work, get some money and hopefully more experience that money can't buy. Hopefully, can use some of the money for concerts and awkward animals and nice girl t-shirts hahahaha. Oh and rent. Bills and all that crap you have to pay yourself once you moved out from the home sweet home where everything is paid for. My somewhat pampered days are over! :)

Time to be independent and get my own place. Hopefully with crazy nice housemates and roommates. I've always been excited to move out, it gives that sense of grown-upness. And time and space and peace to think about who I am and what am I good at and whether what I'm good at can get me job or not. Still a teen, but an old one. Before I move over to adulthood, I want to...yeah get my life sorted out. Fun and all awaits me! :D

Don't want to think so far yet lah, going back hometown tomorrow. Ok not mine, so sad I was born here, cannot travel anywhere. So yeah, Dad's and Mom's hometown to see my Dad's family and Mom's Mom and family. CHINESE NEW YEAR, ANG POW <3

I am so broke. Mahjong man. EAT ALL THE FOOOOOOOOOOOOD! NY's resolution: Eat only when you see people eating and offer others before you start whacking up everything. HAPPY CNY! KTHXBAINITEZ :)

2012

2012-01-07T03:55:00.002-05:00

I wouldn't say I am incredibly optimistic or what lah. But I would always try to comfort myself when I didn't get to go to concerts I really wanted to go even after I told my dad it was a life or death situation(REALLY) by saying there's always next year/time. But I'm not really confident saying it this year. Its either I prepare myself to die. Oh and brush up on my swimming skills to hold my breath long enough to survive the huge waves, or jumping so I can long jump to the other side when the crust of the earth break out and I'm supposed to drop in. I need to watch the movie again lah refresh my memory.

So yeah wongfupro(Wes<3) and leehom is a must goooooooo! Chinese new year money all sapu ady :P Part-time work lah to make up for it!

It better not be the end of the world yet lah seriously. Haven't see enough of the world, or travel or did enough good or learn enough to be ready to die. Nothing is certain, but death is. Fingers crossed to the prediction being wrong again! Then my dad can save on my tuition fees and go on a family trip to Italy or something.

Wouldn't want to do something meaningless like studying to get a job when I wouldn't even live till next year. Instead of feeling scared, I would just spend all the time I have left with my family and friends. If time and money wasn't at stake, I would just simply take the courses I like and slowly find out what I really really like while studying. Its a pity I am not one of those who are destined to save mankind/do something great in their lives and its at a very young age of 5, they are already clear of their future.

Whereas clueless indecisive people like me would beg that destiny to suddenly crash down on me and I'll just wake up one day and just know. Because this guessing game isn't very fun anymore. Its times like these when I would kinda be glad to be fickle-minded. At least a decision WOULD be made, whether right or wrong.

I wished I had the money to go for the trial and error method. I am now looking at which course is funner instead of which one promises a better future. Fail lah. I was never the great planner of anything.

Confessions before dying wouldn't be necessary. After didn't die so awkward :P Just telling the people you love and care about that you're sorry, thank you and I love you. Then peacefully go to heaven? Hopefully I have earned myself a spot in heaven ;)

For now, I shall just get myself more working experiences lah. And money. Wheeeeeee, good day :D

Bye 2011!

2011-12-31T02:58:00.000-05:00

I really want to take my New Year's resolutions seriously this year. Haven't been religiously making resolutions for a few years now. I have to stop pretending that words speaks louder than actions. 2011 has been horrible and nice to me. I've met some wonderful friends I now call my best friends. They are just there for me without expecting anything in return. And I had lots of shitty things happening this year. Thank Buddha its over, and that I made it through.

I promise myself every year that things would be different. It always is. I think I'm a little bolder this year, less regretted opportunities. Instead of wishing or waiting for a second chance, I become slightly more aggressive in taking that chance there and then. I don't think its enough though. Firstly, I am really thankful that no one really ask about my results.

I did tell a few who I know wouldn't judge me, and instead throw me tons of encouraging phrases. I am surprised of my results, whether in a good or bad way. Well, I could have done better. But if this is what I get when I did not give my all, imagine what I could have gotten if I really tried my freaking best?

I did manage to get the cert, the piece of paper that seems so damn important in the end. The feelings and reminders of disappointments never ends. I'm somewhat constantly reminded of the fact that my results is never good enough for anything. Of course I can stop feeling sorry about myself and actually do something to fix whatever that is wrong.

Failures makes me think I'm dumb and there is nothing I can do about it. My attitude towards studying would be what needs the most fixing. I always choose to take the easy way out, or rather the lazy way out by saying that I'm just not smart. I am considered lucky to get the opportunity to have the money to continue to get higher education. And all I think of just playing and having fun.

I guess the studying with music plan didn't work so well. But even without music, I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway :( Well, music keeps me calm.

My mind couldn't just keep still for one second. It just goes on thinking and worrying. Sometimes about nothing, but its mostly something. I longed to be passionate about something, to finally be doing what I love for start for a living for fun. Not just for the sake of it.

My life is starting to lose its meaning. Of course hanging out with friends, going online, lazying around, and playing games is nice. Lifeless lah, everyday do the same thing. That's when I go to Buddhist camps to bring back the meaning to my life. Instead of doing nothing, why not go and help somebody in need? :)

Resolution #745 To be a volunteer at some animal shelter/orphanage/old folks' home wherever volunteers are needed lah.

That would have to wait until I finally get myself a job and find out what I want to do for the next 50 years or so in my life :D

I wanna die happy, accomplished, satisfied, a better person. With quite a number of deaths this year, I am quite worried since I'm not ready to die. I haven't done enough good, or just that I haven't done enough to leave the world...YET!

The idea of skipping university to just go to work would shock my parents, I always joke about it but I secretly wished I could. TEEHEE!

Life was never easy, don't know why am I so surprised about that fact last year. Happy 2012 to everybodyyyyyyy! :)

Sigh

2011-12-22T08:31:00.004-05:00

Life is short. Appreciate your loved ones every second of the day. Tell them how much you love them. There might not always be a tomorrow. Be careful wherever you are. Start your bucket list. Start something. Help somebody everyday whenever you can. This would decrease your level of regrets. Just do it. Be happy and spread the love :)

Nothing

2011-12-22T05:07:00.001-05:00

Oh l’arte di non fare niente, the joy of doing nothing. I mean the art of doing nothing. But my favorite Italian expression would be dolce far niente. Which means the sweetness of doing nothing. If only I can do that. I'm always doing something, whether or not it is useful. Came across this expression in Eat Pray Love. Haven't seen Julia Roberts acting in a long time, stopped watching halfway thru India. Makes me want to travel so much, to find myself. Or just find myself to stop studying for awhile, and have a life for awhile. Need to build myself a meaningful life! :)

Its so easy to say just do what you're passionate about, what you like, what you think you would like to do in the future. What? I need to know what would that be. I can't just keep guessing. Making the right choice is easier said and done. The choice to please everyone else is easy though but I wouldn't be very happy in the end.

For now, haha its too early to start enjoying life. Haven't even worked enough to start retiring. I'll just start with starting to get to like doing nothing. I'm already bored. Crap. I should indulge in my food, chew and swallow, a meal should not be in front of the teevee or finished in 15 minutes. No wonder I need so much snacks. Been watching movies like nobody's business! Chick flicks lah, nothing heavy yet, been quite down lately hehe.

SHITZ

2011-12-19T23:42:00.001-05:00

Ok, dance and sing confirm cannot already. I would be damn self-conscious, I need to be very very very very very comfortable with the person to do so hehe. Got lah a few! Unless I'm too drunk to care, but I'm not supposed to drink so...that would never happen I guess. Its just tomorrow, haven't had good sleep these few nights. I'll love the whole world and live like I was to die any moment if I have good enough results(My standards not very high, enough to get in the uni I want can already) or better than what I'd expected.

I already expected the worst. And try not to expect too much. But I'm effin' anxious now! Regret lah didn't study properly, every time think of playing. If I made it through, I would be start being damn serious with my studies. I swear man. No guilt-filled speeches, and reminders for tomorrow can anot plssssssssssssssss!! I'm already dying man.

But yes if really results bad, then I guess its not the end of the world. But I'm too damn scared to start planning for Plan B. So I'll give my ability the benefit of the doubt, and my mind some rest. *breathes deeply*

I hope I can get some sleep tonight! And yesh I'll stay optimistic till then. Patience please. Butterflies be goneeeee! No matter what I get, I shall rejoice if its good news but if its not, I'll allow myself to be depressed for awhile and then think of ways to fix it. Freaking good luck to me and everyone man! :')

Fit no?

2011-12-18T02:08:00.001-05:00

Went for swimming, to the gym and wanted to play ping pong but got table, got net, no ping pong racket, no ping pong ball :( Oh well, me and Man got into the baby pool. Damn nice, I can sit there forever man, and there's like this sliding thing we went on like 3/4 times. We waited for all the adults that used their babies to get into the baby pool or they are just being good parents lah, to be gone.

I don't even take baths in the morning. And I've got to get into the freezing cold water at 830am and wake up at 630ammmmmm. Ok that's not really early lah, but its actually freaking early to be awake when you're on a holiday. And because yesterday rained like crap, so I have to wake up extra early to swim. My dad damn smart, he say you're going to be wet anyway wad, if the point of me going swimming is to get wet, then I might as well stand outside in the rain now right :)

I can breathe underwater without coming up for oxygen for as short as half a lap. Then I geddup and gasp for air like I'm a mermaid wheeeee. I wish lah, and I just found out how smart I am. I like to open my eyes underwater one. Without goggles. So I came out of the pool with bloodshot eyes lorr. I guess my favorite style is the frog style. Or just simply paddle until I reach to the end of the pool.

Then bathe and went to the gym. And I actually tried to jog on the treadmill and carefully trying not to sweat.(What? Just bathed ma) Cycle here and there lor, then I malas to change the weight of the weightlifting thing so I went back to running slowly. Eh I seriously damn unfit. Haha. Step by step lah. Same thing with ping pong, foosball also got no ball.

Then both of us walked for what felt like 5km I guess, quite far lah I think. She got her bike, but walked with me leh. If my bro right, he take the bike and cycle faraway from me leaving me to walk alone. Normal lah. Stomach was growling like crap the whole journey. Would this be the start to a healthier, fitter me? Hahahahahahaha. I exercise when I got mood one. So see how lah.

Put too much soy sauce, some oil thing, pepper into my porridge. And too much sugar in my soya bean(substitute for milk wheeee). Taste good, feel good, die faster. See? I talked rubbish again, but I just wanna blog this productive morning, probably the only productive morning I had since finals. I would usually still be sleeping. Or rereading the Harry Potter series, I'm at the 3rd book now haha. Better finish fast before Mom bugs me to get a job again. Rest for one month maaaaa. And I do enjoy being unemployed. For now lah.

Looking forward to seeing my old friends again tomorrow wheeee :)

Sports

2011-12-14T03:46:00.003-05:00

Had a good day today! Haha got some exercise like I was supposed to, eventhough the holidays are for me to laze around. Well, I'd experienced something even better than a good hair day, good game day! :D I didn't suck that much in basketball today! So close to beating my brother. But oh well, me and dad made a good team! My idea of sports is that whatever get thrown in my way, I'll geddit but if its kinda faraway, I a bit the lazy. I did run everywhere today so that's progress! ;)

Its good to sweat every now and then. But I don't like to sweat. So I guess swimming would be perfect for me. As long as I'm in the pool/ocean/water area where I can still stand, if not I'll be damn insecure and drown myself like some noob. Maybe I should learn how to breathe longer underwater. I like how wrinkly my fingers are after being in the water for a very long time! :)

Haha after watching some Slam Dunk over the years and playing some NBA on the Playstation, I think I've had enough experience? :P

The feeling of getting the ball in that net is so good. My aiming is quite bad, so when I manage to get the ball in, happy lah! Same thing goes for hitting ONE bowling pin down or getting a strike. I'd only got one strike this year, played twice. It took me many air balls and gutterball to be just okay in the sport. I need a lot of luck also lah, maybe it was mixed with some skills(I hope)! Badminton, the shuttlecocks don't like me. Its either I hit too high not until touch the ceiling but usually out of the court or too low that it touches the net and bounces back to the floor. I do hit like a normal person sometimes!

Never really tried football, I tried randomly kicking balls lah. Sounds damn wrong. Haha. The thing is, I've never been good in sports. So I just do it all for fun! I know how terribly unfit and overweight I am lah :P

I wanna try rockclimbing. I wanna climb a mountain. Ok would like to try a lot of things actually. For now, I shall not try to be overambitious. I think its the adrenaline. All I know is I'm damn tired now. Good day! :)

Clueless

2011-12-14T02:47:00.000-05:00

Haha that's really comforting. A nicer way to tell me how clueless I am. I just hope I don't have to stay interesting for a long, long, looooooooooooooong time! I might have a little more patience than my parents but I think it would feel good to finally sort out my life, and finally fit all the weird pieces together to do what I like doing best! Also, to slack less or try to lah :)

OLD!

2011-12-02T02:25:00.001-05:00

I grew a year older today. I'm not feeling the difference yet. I missed every chance to do anything illegal. I might be underage to do 21 year old stuffs but not 18. I've also missed the chance to see how far my guts would take me. Or how much guts I really have. I guess I have been in school for way too long I think. As much as I hate following rules, I think I follow quite a number of it. There's just too many that is quite useless and ridiculous lah.

As much as I like growing up, I really really miss high school life. Throwing paper planes at my friends when the teacher's not looking. Using the toilet pass to walk around the school compound to escape boring lessons. Then again, I find every class boring. Maybe I just get bored easily. I think I only get really serious with my studies in college.

Eh fees not cheap okay? Other than the fees, I don't want to let my parents down. When they're awake, they see the playful side of me, and ask me to study. But only when they're asleep and the sky is dark and I start to have the mood to study, I study. Sometimes I feel like nothing is going in. Sometimes I feel like I always make the wrong choice. I'm really not a studious person, nor am I smart. Which makes it ten times harder. I would pressure myself to study, and hope it works.

Sometimes the process of vomiting the information out isn't really smooth. But I have learned a lot! :)

I have to stop thinking about when the fun starts. Studying isn't fun. Learning is. Talking to friends in class is. Trying to not fall asleep in class isn't. I do have a love hate relationship with college. And I still can't figure out what I want to do. I can figure what I would like or am interested in. But not I can do as a career for about 40/50 years. Thinking of the future is scary. So I try not to think about it so much :P

SIGH. Now that all that's over. I enjoy doing nothing. I enjoy spending time with my friends and family. Though nothing gets boring after awhile no matter how relaxing it is. HEE.

If this is goodbye.

2011-11-28T01:52:00.001-05:00

I really hate going to the airport. To send someone off. To pick somebody up, I'm more than happy to. I guess its harder for the person who is leaving than the bunch of people the leaver is going to leave. Forever, should never be used. Of course we would meet someday. Its a matter of sooner or later.

I'm sure the person who is leaving would want to see the people they're leaving happy before they leave. There is bound to be tears, and feelings of sadness. Memories of what used to be and good times. You'll feel that it is never enough. *sniff sniff*

All that is left to do is to appreciate the time we have left together. And since we're not going to die(maybe lah just keep praying) yet, we can at least cling on to the promise to keep in touch. They're going to be one who gets homesick. So the least you could do is be supportive and nice to help them fit in this new place they are in. Maybe you're not ready to say goodbye, but time doesn't stops and wait for you.

You might say 11 months is not long enough to say you're best friends. Good friends are not measured by time or...now, distance. I might have longer friends(friends that I've known for a long time lah you know what i mean), but they all matter to me, just as much.

I really don't want to make them emo or what lah. So I shall just act like my retarded self and make them feel like everything's going to be okay! :)

I'm really really really really going to miss you.

ONE MORE!

2011-11-03T10:20:00.001-04:00

Exactly one week from now, it would be my end of my finally finals, no more already hehe until I decide what I want to do with my life lah. I would talk about how time flies and all. And how much I would miss my classmates. Yes I would. But I'm getting sleepy. Legals paper was hard. But ya don't want to talk about it anymore. Have a good night people :))

Still alive

2011-10-24T09:31:00.000-04:00

Just a little longer, Shing. Patience. Oh gosh why am I so damn lazy? Not ready to screw finals. Not ready at all. Focus. Distractions go away. Or rather I should go away. To a place nobody knows. Yes somewhere quiet and nice for studying purposes. Or maybe its just me lah.

ALL THE BEST AND ALL THE LUCKS IN THE WORLD TO MYSELF! :)

Love, is a strange thing you know?

What is this?

2011-10-07T05:17:00.002-04:00

There are two types of people in the world I don't like. One is people that cannot stand to be annoyed. And the other is people without a sense of humor.

So when people like me who likes to annoy people who I thought has the sense of humor, I pulak get annoyed. No fun lah. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE.

Emo.

2011-09-30T11:02:00.002-04:00

Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

MOTIVATION!

2011-08-21T15:56:00.000-04:00

JUST 5 MORE DAYS!

Not to say there would be a real break by then. But my sleep deprived self has been psycho-ing me thoughts of long hours of sleep or just sleep lah. Okay, don't want to study already. SCREW IT! For now, tomorrow continue. Scripts, tests. SIGH!

Equality.

2011-08-15T09:04:00.000-04:00

Here's another thought.

On equality.

That both weekdays and weekends should be given the same treatment. So how is it that weekdays gets to have 5 but, weekends only 2. Weekends and I emo lah like that. Unfair. Its injustice here.

Weekends would feel its like the adopted child that gets secondhand love. Okay that aside, not yet I mean. I want 10 days in a week. And no Mondays. The starting of the week starts with Tuesdays. But ends with Sunday. Or we could have two Sundays.

Great idea!

The longer the weekends, the funner my week would be. Oh and less stressful as there would be 3 extra days for me to do my work. 3 to relax, 2 more for work. I'm such a great planner.

Okay now to serious stuff.

I really regret rushing into college rather than taking some time off to explore and hopefully accidentally finding what my passion is. Better than being clueless now. Well, I'm not doing really well in the course I'm currently doing. And also subjects I find interesting and doable before..well...it is now less interesting, and hard like shit.

Its like you're so stuffed but you try to stuff more food into your mouth because you think of kids in Africa and how you shouldn't waste your food or you're a really bad person but then the more you stuff, the more you feel like vomiting.

So, forcing myself to like subjects I no longer/stuff information I don't find interesting anymore, is like that. I might even lose all that unnecessary lame informations in this process too.

But I did learn a lot of new things. That is the whole point of college right? I wouldn't call myself a shallow person, but I guess I'm not that deep either.

So to sink deeper into the ocean of knowledge(I like this metaphor whee), it means experiencing whether good or bad, interesting or boring, sad or happy, father or mother, chicken or fish, hard or easy, clouds or stars, in the end it is up to me to decide which I would like to keep.

The ones that I would like to throw away would be lessons learned. Which clichely like no money can buy kind of thing. Got money, no brain. Got brain no money. I would prefer to be a smartass broke lorr.

The thing about problems, everyone has it. I don't feel comfortable telling people, so therefore I blog. After this sentence, already its apparent how lazy I am. I'm even too lazy to write a diary.

I have tons of diaries. Of handwritings I could no longer read. Even now, the handwriting that is on my exam papers that determine my grades but not an attempt to challenge the examiner's patience and eyesight, its like chicken scribblings.

So as an avenue to pen okay not pen but type down my thoughts and feelings. My teenage years might not be very happy go lucky-ish all the time, but this emotional phase I'm going through, I guess I would understand when I'm much older.

My grandkids(if i have lah) would probably think what a psycho their grandmother is. But hey, they'll grow up to be psychos too cos they are inheriting some of my genes muahahahahaha.

Well, I can't say I'm living the teenage dream just yet. Anyway, so this blog is something I can look back as memories and laughing material. I look back at my diary when I was 12, oh my gosh, the stupid things I write about.

At such a young age, I think about which teacher is lame, who to prank next, which table to write on, who's the best person to play hide and seek with, ice and water, why the canteen no nice food, the basketball net so damn high, i want to sleepover at my friend's house also cannot scared her mother kidnap me meh?....something like that lah.

Throw away already. One thing I noticed, my handwriting goes from FREAKING BIG to normal human handwriting size. And then it gets bigger. Its just a thing where I'm sitting beside someone who has small handwriting, I unawarely follow.

So this is why, my diary since 9 to 12 is lost. Or I threw it away out of embarassment after reading how dumb I was. haha. And then I started blogging when I was 15. Still not mature enough to write intellectually smart stuffs, even now. All crap.

Haha, then comes the year 2010 when I finally decided to delete the year 2008 and 2009 stupidity from my life. I still have bits and pieces of it somewhere I forgotten where. It has nonetheless brought me tears and laughter that I would forever remember and treasure.

At this age, this year, today, I feel like some old grandmother. Everytime also feel tired, got enough sleep less sleep more sleep also no difference. I used to follow my dad everywhere. Any chance to go out, I would jump right at it.

Now, I actually don't like ta bao-ed food. I like to eat it there and then. But college inspires me to do things I don't like to do to a whole new level. Instead of having family-mocking-laughing-cum-dinner-session, I choose to be with my desktop typing away fascinating words on Microsoft Word the 2003 version.

Feel so old that I felt like I'm using a typewriter. Which I think is damn cool. So the famous old long time no see line is...'How's life?' And my answer to that is this, 'Life has never been the same'

Well my 11 years of schooling plus 3 years of cute kindergarten didn't prepare me for....
(1) endless homeworks(another perks for not going to a Chinese school)
(2) to be expected to be interactive in class even if you did not have enough sleep to even use your brain.
(3) a chance to work with different people with different characteristics and try to get along like brothers.
(4) staircase. okay. that one i'm being unreasonable. 3 flights of stairs is reasonable for more exercise.
(5) unpredictable technical failures that makes you feel like its the end of the world.
(6) the ability to deal with peer pressure and try using it to benefit yourself rather than feeling intimidated by it.
(7) you can cry, but it wouldn't fix anything.
(8) worrying so much that you age by 2547896.15 years
(9) banana is good for health. yes my dad force me to eat breakfast. and i don't like it. oh and being banana too! so people will speak English and only English to you :)
(10) college tables are hard and cold. you might want to bring your own pillow.
(11) google is your one and only friend.

I IS HAPPY :)

Confused.

2011-08-13T10:27:00.000-04:00

I know I don't make sense half of the time. Okay most. But...I have the tendency to want to be somebody else. Okay lets say its raining, I suddenly want to be an umbrella. Exams, sponge. To absorb the knowledge in the shortest time possible and I failed terribly despite wishing really hard. An important paper falls from the 3rd floor to the floor floor, I wanna be superman. And the list goes on lah. You get the picture.

To be somebody I'm not. But at the end of the day, being myself is what brings me places. We call people like me wannabe or desperado. The next time round, a person might be dying due to multiple stabbing into the heart at the side of the pavement, and I should not even think about turning into a doctor or Ben 10 or some superhero lah, but myself.

With no basic knowledge of how to be a life-saver. But a normal civilian, I would think of tissue, lots of them. Probably wrapping the person like a mummy. After years of watching CSI, to not leave my DNA on the crime scene that is about to be...investigated. CSI haha. Okay lame.

The thing is, when disaster happens the last person that should be there is me. For I am quite the useless. I can call for help but I can't be help. But I'll try to help in any way I can. I must now train to be disaster-ready. Or tragedy-ready. Or like problems-ready. To be offering advice that I myself don't follow.

I often advise myself. But my heart wouldn't listen. Sometimes yes. With trials coming up, I am having more and more confusing thoughts. To be decisive, is what I longed to be. But to be expected to decided what I want to do for the rest of my life, scares me. Sweep floors at a law firm, wash toilet at some university, picking up rubbish far from where I'm living in, yes I already started to imagine the worst.

What I want to be should be some occupation that does not exist yet. Or something I haven't heard of. Occupations nowadays makes me frown in boredom. I know I should be thinking as far as salary and all. But nothing is more important than finding what I love to do and to get paid for doing what I love doing.

Well, more thinking to do. As for how college has been...though a very free week. It has been a pain in the ass. But tolerable...I think..at least...so far. I do and still missed being a kid. Even if it means daddy still working and dai kor being still around to annoy me. I miss Monday assemblies(strange...i used to hate them), prison-like uniforms, rules, and boring classes.

Growing up is learning how to deal with new difficulties and getting used to it and not looking back and wished everything was just easier. Sigh. Its night and I should not think too much :)

Live, swim, drink!

2011-08-08T10:28:00.000-04:00

Its 10:26 pm now and I can barely keep my eyes open. Done my legals essay...somewhat. In point form, can lah. Last night was...never mind. I hope I'll have a nice night tonight. I mean any night with sleep is nice so sweet dreams world :)

Untitled.

2011-08-06T10:14:00.003-04:00

I am going crazy. Yes. For the weekends. I think of it every second of the day. Juggling, something I was never good in. Its either I suck at the other thing when I try to juggle. There IS no win-win in my case. If what the counselor said was right, I'm in for the job satisfaction. No sleepless nights of studying cases...for me lah.

What have I learned about myself? I hate researching. Unless its about things that I like. That I would unknowingly go and surf the net to know more about it. But with college research, it can be on a topic I WAS interested in, but not anymore. HEE.

Growing up, the tons of ambitions I have grew with me. Air stewardess, lawyer, kindergarten teacher, pilot, waitress, and the list go on. The doctor and engineer kind of thing hasn't crossed my mind. And thankfully my parent's.

Firstly, I am not a science person. Secondly, I flinched at heavy responsibility. So the lack of technical knowledge and chickenly professionalism, when a person dies because of me removing the wrong organ or cutting the wrong veins or something like that. Or when a building collapse because of me the dumbass that designed a pretty building but sucky foundation. That 458712365 innocent lives were taken because of what I did or didn't do.

I'll lay off life-threatening jobs. Oh and plus, I'm clumsy. The world would be a safer place without me, really :)

I still have yet to find my passion. I may be broke with it, but I would feel full with it around. I have been dreaming of cool jobs all my life....the jobs that put a smile on people's faces and not just a job that gives them the ticket to their family's financial support.

And that ticket is money. Sometimes a very terrible ticket. Its literally a piece of colored paper, with figures and faces and patterns on it. Why the hell does it worth so much? Well if it wasn't, I would even go to college.

Cos college -> university -> getting a job -> more money to support yourself and hopefully your parents too!

The thought of money growing on trees, or falling from the sky like snow would keep me smiling all year long.

I have been feeling really dead. If there are no assignments, there is tests. There is even both at the same time. With a couple of quizzes and PRESENTATIONS too. If I could show a 5 minute video for a presentation, I would. But then my marks would also be....well I doubt I would have any marks, and probably negative comments.

And so putting my stage fright aside, I rehearsed A LOT of what I'm about to present. I kind of learned my lesson thinking I'll be fine impromptu-ing my presentation. I would be so sick of my presentation afterwards. The trembling hands, and bullet train speech is something I cannot get rid of.

Oh stuttering too! Talking to people has never been a problem for me. But I don't know what the heck is wrong with speaking in front of people and sounding as if I'm talking to them. I guess I do the one-on-one thing better, or spontaneous chats with friends.

Crowdophobia, I believe is what I have. And Claustrophobia, something quite similar I guess. So yeah 'don't crowd me!' or look at me. Since I can't change that, I tried.....

Pretending nobody's there, yup tried that. Breathing in and out deeply too! I guess my way of dealing with that, is by putting too many gestures that it becomes distracting, and a little pushing my hair behind my ear and talking my way out fast from the thing. That I hoped it was clear. Expressionless too...

Jokes I thought of putting in, was immediately forgotten once I went up to present.

Enough with the negative stuffs I guess.
Though I was down yesterday when I stayed up to finish everything but my plagiarism rate had to ruin it. The highness of the rate made me feel like some copycat or paraphrasing noob or that I suck at citing. And I had to face that last minute heart pumping experience...

The immense relief I felt after that was awesome lah. My report might not be very good, but the point is I got to finish it. Shit lah, hadn't had time to include lots of sources in. Oh well, I'll try to next Monday. Oh my sweat and tears. Okay maybe just sweat. But I was about to burst into tears if I still cannot finish it in time.

I always hoped for the best one! I don't like hand up stuffs, and know how well I did. I was full of certainty I would get an okay grade. I actually mentally prepared my dad after SPM till the results day of how badly my results would be.

Cos yeah personal experience, the more you expect, the harder you'll fall when you fail. When my parents asked how many As I can get. I went '1'. HAHA, cos English was a sure A. The rest I wasn't so sure. Well I assured them Bs also. Except for addmaths, that one low a bit, just a pass will do!

Mentally preparing also kinda prepared me myself. When I finally got the results, I was happy that it surpassed my expectations. WHEE. Not scholarship-worthy or a congratulatory hug worthy from my parents, but a pat on the head was good enough :D

I wished I was numbed to any depressing results I get. I mean I already expected screwed up results, so I don't really understand how I could still be so upset. I guess that shield of strongness has to be thicker.

Good night! :)

slap self to reality!

2011-08-01T10:03:00.001-04:00

Unexplainable sadness.

I would just have to shrug off that feeling and just feel better. And to believe in myself more despite everything that has happened. One thing is for sure, it isn't the end of the world. You know how you want to punch people that are overly optimistic, that is more happy than you lah. When in fact, you're bringing in the cloudy depressing vibe ruining their day.

They should be the one punching you. Smiling when you're not okay is not being pretentious, it just means you're strong enough to get through life that no rocks thrown your way can cut your skin off. Yes, something like that but less hurt-ish.

It might be true, that no geeky specs and books you read can upgrade your smartness. For me lah. To make me focus on a paragraph in the textbook for 15 minutes is like making a fish swallow a whale. Okay, my maximum is half an hour I guess. After that, its all half absorbing or merely reading through already.

Its not the same as reading a novel. Like soppy novels that I don't mind flipping pages for hours just to finish it. Information that I'm not interested or I don't find interesting to be fit into the limited space left in my brain, and due to that I spend longer time to study. And that means less sleep which I'm fine with or used to it already lah.

Not sleeping is not me trying to prove that I'm hardworking. The hours I get to sleep depends on the hours I procrastinated. If I procrastinate more, the less sleep I get lorr. Simple math. That is also excluding several times I accidentally fell asleep on my bed that is now my study table.

Its amazing how you would not know how ready you are until you're left with ten minutes and you still have a half blank page with a pen in your hands waiting for the owner to start finishing off with more words that could be right for the test.

After all that, you might feel down and dumb for awhile. But you would hope for the best!

Having said that, I really don't know how studying what I'm studying now would help me in the future. Interesting to learn yes, for a forever career kind of thing, lots of doubts! Nothing good comes from FORCE. Yet I can't let it be.

Surrounded by smart people has taken its toll on me but it has also driven me to do something I never liked before and still don't which is to which is read what the lecturer has taught and vomit everything out for the exams.

Its like I kind of understand when I'm taught. But when it comes to something serious like, with something percentage lah. I panicked and screw things up. Its not like back in high school, now everything is based on RELEVANCY. So I have to know what I'm talking about and not just saying one word in the question elaborating just that and expect to get high marks :P

Even key words managed to lose itself in my brain. Or that is wasn't even securely screwed into my brain in the first place. Whatever the reason is, I'll just do my best. Now that I am too tired to do my best is what frustrates me the most.

Good day, shall go do some work before I zzZZZZZzzzzzzz! :)

SUN-DAY THE DAY FOR JOY AND HAPPINESS.

2011-07-24T08:17:00.000-04:00

Sunday, the 7th and last day of the week. I guess it's a good and bad thing. Good because I made it through the week, bad because tomorrow is Monday. And also my dream to have 48 hours in a day. 24 hours to do the things I like, and the other to do things I have to do.

What the heck is wrong with me? To find some people annoying(not just the usual thing to find everybody annoying in the morning) and not seeing the humor in everything anymore stinks. Yes, I can find things to blame it on. But, really it won't help. It's probably just the hopelessness I'm feeling now. I find it so hard to believe in myself. I just hope some rock just hit me hard on the head to really wake me up and change me for good.

I wonder whether people like me for who I am or the things I say. The thing is, I like people to like being around me. So, being alone has this kind of funny effect on me. Having said that, I want nothing but alone time now. As scary as it seems, it gave me time to reflect on how emotional I have become recently.

Me, the person who doesn't cry when she gets 0 for her test or failed addmaths with a single digit number, or when my mum punished me the old fashioned stick way, but yeah I did cried a lot during my grandma's funeral. The point is, I don't usually cry to little things like this. It's both disappointing to see how weak and upset I was.

I used to have this sense of control not to cry in front of anyone, its not much of an ego issue, but to not ruin somebody else's sunshine. Imagine one side people all happy and cheery, then I'm crying at the other end, raining on their parade. Potong and rude lorr I feel.

Now that I lost this sense of control, I've got to step up my machoness. That not even the loudest lightning can strike me, or the strongest waves can sweep me away. It won't be a non-stop fountain of disappointments anymore, I hope as I cannot promise this yet.

To feel useless and dumb, its not so much as a contributing a verse kind of thing to go against society's norm which I would like to also lah, but more of the will to contribute what I can and have to the group. This is what happen in groups, where I'm both intimidated and pressured by the people in there. But the least I could do is hand them the best cooperation I can give, and work in the team properly.

Did I mentioned how awesome my classmates are? Yes, each and every one of them despite anything that has happened. I'm both glad and thankful for this bunch this year, most of the time hehe just joking.

My failures is now my motivation. Yet its not good enough of a motivation, I still find the reason to procrastinate.

I still don't know what the hell I wanna do lah next year. The subjects are interesting to be learned but I'm not sure about the fun aspect. Yes, its a VERY VERY important aspect. Or I'll die before I start working. Or rather before getting promoted to be anybody bigger.

I don't think I'm one who keeps problems to myself. See? I share it here, and some I tweet. So nothing's bottled up. Yay for that! But yes, nervous breakdown is freaking scary.

I mean like being around people, but standing in front of those people and presenting your point across is UNDOUBTEDLY FREAKING SCARY. I'm terrified of those blank stares, thoughts of boos in their head, disapproving shake of their heads, fidgety movements of their body parts indicating they're getting bored of me, and ULTIMATELY, feeling like I lost the audience.

They are physically there, but their mind is wandering around longing to escape this misery. My imagination grew canggih when I don't need them to be. So yeah, imagination great thanks to you that I managed to embarrass myself every time.

But me and imagination has come a long way together. And I wouldn't know what to do without it. I just wished my imagination would come in handy and I wouldn't be shy to use it more often.

I know I might not look the part, but I'm actually damn shy. Then again, maybe I look shy based on the informal surveys I did on my friends to see how was first impression on them. Little did they know, I am damn noisy. HAH. Take that, predictability!

I hate the sensible side of me lah, always making me feel like crap and guilty. I have never been smart, plus the hate of studying made me even worse. I guess when you don't like something, when you forced it down your throat, you remember nothing. Unless you have photographic memory which I don't have.

If I have, I would gladly use it, and snap every page of the textbook in my head and try to ace my stupid tests. The computer that used to be my source of entertainment is now my tool to survive in college. Of course its MORE than just my tool. It gives me space to express myself and the only thing I can spend 24/7 with. It's also more reliable than my pendrive that always seemed to catch a virus.

I'm better now!

Got to go do more research on my Psychology. Night everyone. Dream of the stars :)

The world is good to me.

2011-07-13T10:06:00.000-04:00

Hi again! :)

A rare sight to be blogging on a Wednesday, night. That is because I'm done with all the shit for the week. WHEEEEE, over the moon lah. Also very tired, emotionally and physically. I guess this week, I have been quite cranky that I minimize human contact. Oh what I really meant is lots of social interaction so I won't say things I would regret later on. Usually harmless teasing lah. Which I deeply miss, as things are getting tense at the moment.

Its not that the deadlines are unreasonable. Its the timing where everything clashes. Both exams and assignments. Even my bed hates me now. I used to spend 7 hours on it before college started. Now, it is sometimes abandoned for few nights in a row. Not so bad lah nowadays considering the fact that I study on my bed and there is less need to use the desktop which is outside the hall that exposes me to the nags of Mum that makes me go to bed.

Also less radiation for me lah than what is necessary. If radiation gives me a good grade, I don't mind. The thing is, I don't really use the time I have exposed to this radiation to really do my work until I have the mood to do so, or when the lateness of the time to force me.

After saying this, I realized even more how I don't deserve any sleep or can even afford to. But I have been SLEEPING lately. Early, after the Cinderella's curfew but not late enough to be satisfied with myself. I have given up on coffee or eye drops already. I need to have this adrenaline going on all the time but especially at night.

Falling asleep sucks. Against your own will lah. Like one minute, you're reading important piece of information that was about to go in, and you actually wake up 2 hours later. CRAP LORR. At this point, health is pushed aside. Oh but it would be nice for the ulcer to be gone lah.

Food is pain. Actually, eating hurts. That I don't find joy in it anymore. Gargling saltwater suggested by Dra, was painer but apparently I have to do it repeatedly over a period of time. Thinking to myself where I gargle the first time this morning that it would be gone, SIGH, a moment of hope is as good as it last anyways :)

Smiling is pain also. But to smile in pain is a very hard thing to do. I shall try to smile with the pain then! Also to smile in disappointments. I always tell myself to relax and all, but in the end I still get so freaked up that I screw things up. And not having the ability to appear confident when I'm actually not.

Me being not a perfectionist but the thought of me just doing a simple thing and not being able to makes me so mad at myself. Then again, I realized how hard I am beating myself up in my head. Yes there's no such thing as too much optimism, but it has been running out fast lately. Maybe that's when the tear glands decided to take over but wrong and bad timing lah when people are actually around.

Crap lah, I do feel better after crying like I always do. Other than laughing like a crazy person, crying works like magic too. Its just that its like narcolepsy, its something I can't control. When things get too overwhelming, I just break down and cry. I usually get better after that. So its all good, me crying is actually a good thing.

Crying is not that of a negative action. Even the strongest person cries. And there is nothing wrong with that. I want tears of joy next :)

Expectation level: 5/10, shall try to be moderate with my expectations now.
Stress level: EXTREMELY HIGH, I mean was. Its quite low now(rhymes) ;)

Laughing at myself now. How I can go from happy to sad so quickly. There is no need for explanation. I shall just leave things to happen by itself. Mood fluctuations. Shall be more man about this.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, cursing has been like breathing in air to me. Its both good and bad for health. Good in a way where you don't keep your frustration in and bad in a way that you affect other people with your rudeness, being bitter and angry all the time is bad for health lah. Its not like I'm that much of a polite person anyway haha especially to myself. As long nobody hears it, and its really soft. Its like a word that you say, to release whatever negative vibe you have. I actually only use it when I need to. But this need has increased a lot this week.

I am kinda spending more time in college than with my family now that I feel guilty coming back and doing more work instead of spending time with them like I always do. I hate how that they always had to worry, slightly annoying and happy at the same time about the fact that they care about me more than my college fee.

To repay them, I shall not fail any subjects, might even aim for a B too if that's not being too overambitious. The holy 'A' grade later on lah :)

The fact that they worry about me not having enough sleep over the fact that I might not be able to get to a good university and waste their hard-earned money. I even forced myself to like the subjects, but it's not happening lah. Paying attention in class as the lecturers are not the reason why I don't like the subjects.

So don't like, still have to study. I mean I did chose all those subjects with the brainwashing from the counselors of promises that it would be interesting or one that last just for one term. Instead of supposedly handling 4 subjects the 2nd term, I'm stuck with the same old 5th one.

I am not dumb, just not so smart. And I'm working on it. But I can't help but feel dumb at times. Shall focus on what I'm good at, crapping :D

And also my inability of handling stress is getting worse. I fear for my sanity. And my emotion stability to say goodbye to me ): Worrying about other things and people really made me appreciate what I have and get stronger to face future obstacles. Trying to motivate and inspire myself, and tries to stay away from emo songs and videos. Distractions can be something very.....useful when it happens at the right time which is when we have nothing important we have to do.

I really don't know what I have been doing all these years only coming to college and realize life isn't that easy. It can still be happy. But the feeling of lifeless would always be there somewhere.

But I'm okay. Cos I just ranted. And shall dwell on the finer things in life : the privilege of sleeping!

And I wish all the children in poor countries have plenty of food to eat and the procrastinators around the world that are sleep-deprived to get lots of sleep tonight. Good night world! :)

CHEHHHHHHHHHH!

2011-06-27T15:12:00.000-04:00

I very tired now. So tired that I'm typing in Times New Roman. I'll never be able to pay back my sleep debts lah. Go get my 3 and 1/2 hours sleep now. Good night! :)

Random crap!

2011-06-25T05:22:00.004-04:00

Hello again! Pirates of the Caribbean the mermaid one, DAMN SCARY. Johnny Depp as usual lah damn cute. The mermaids was scarily pretty. Kungfu Panda 2, DAMN CUTE. Jack Black, I seriously want a panda. Ask my Mom to plant some bamboo in the garden first. Blitz, DAMN BLOODY. The actors also bloody cute. Yes including the psycho. Taking a break from 18 and above rated shows. MOVIES :)

serious shit? I want my sleep weyh like that.

I believe its the air-conditioner :)
and stop talking bad about me. hehehe.

Feeling so old. This blog is about 3 years old. And so is my hair. But it got chopped off two days ago. So technically my hair is new. Reluctantly and unexpectedly. I really do feel lighter. I somewhat hate the new haircut. HEE. Now I look more like my Mum. I miss my long hair as I do feel that my self-esteem is as long as my hair. I would say I'm less dependent this year.

When I say my hair ugly, my brother and dad would like EH NICE LAH DON'T BLUFF YOU ONE. When I didn't say anything, my brother would say EH YOUR HAIR LIKE SOME BROOM WEYH. Crazy people lorr. Crazy people I can't live without that is.

There is a time and place for everything. But I just want to play anytime and everywhere. I wish I could grow up. Immediately :)

SLEEP!

2011-06-25T05:21:00.001-04:00

" I'll sleep when I die", I do not know who to quote. But someone great came up with it. Heard it from somewhere, don't know where, don't know who.

I use it as motivation to keep me up every night. Its like you can always tell yourself TOMORROW LAH SURE GOT TIME ONE. But I want to go to bed feeling like I have accomplished something. It doesn't have to big, but it just has to be something. Surely I wanna be a good daughter by not making my Mum worry and nag me to sleep every night.

If by not sleeping, the hours I'm supposedly using to sleep can be used to finish up work I've been delaying or is too tired to do. A bad time to yawn would be the time when I finally have the mood to do work. I owe myself lots and lots of sleep debt. Looking forward to pay them back really soon.

Sleep, what I took for granted for years now. Feeling of regrets is creeping in. I would just be happy with the privilege of a pillow and the opportunity to sleep. Surely I don't wanna to seemed dead all the time, and just keep living life.

A wait would feel too long, everything would all of the sudden becomes boring...........

Tears of joy, tears of sorrow, the ones I dread most is the tears of sleepiness. Liquids drowning my eyes made my attention level from zero to negative 54785236698.

I have to imagine myself as a college dropout to keep me hanging on. But then again some of the world's richest billionaires are college dropouts. I really do still think education and the certificate as proof is highly important. Of course I would like to be smart and all. And tell my kids that even after being crazily lazy, I could still graduate from college and hopefully, university.

Again, presentations are fun. The preparation isn't. Exams has never been fun. But it has turned horribler this year. Assignments has to be done whether fun or not. But nothing beats the feeling of finishing an assignment and handing up on time. It makes the staying up all worthwhile. The marks don't really matter. Okay it kinda does lah. A LOT.

Coming to think of it, I've been an average student all my life. And I hope to keep being one, that's the least I could do :)

And yes I wanna be more Asian. That includes being smart. This stereotyping I like.

Weekends, please be longer this week.

Paper that made me happy!

2011-06-11T06:31:00.001-04:00

I guess I'm somewhat superstitious, as I do think some superstitions can be really unpractical and ridiculous sometimes.

I shaked my luck. The long sticks with numbers on it that can be found in many olden days Cantonese drama. There should be one stick sticking out at the top. Then you ask some dude to read your whole life for you. In my case, I find the drawer with my number on it, and took out the pink paper and read it.

Thankfully there is the English translation. I would take hours to read. From 10 Chinese characters, I would manage to read every alternate character and try to make a sentence out of it. I know I fail as a Chinese lah. I'll keep my broken like shit Mandarin to myself okayy.

GOOD OMEN LEH.

First I asked about life. And family.

(24) Happiness After Spell of Sufferings shit! have to suffer how long? never mind lah, got happiness afterwards :)
Its the beginning of a bright and promising future. Don't let it slip away. just when I thought to myself that I got no future, this comes :)
Guideline : Nothing much. have to count on myself then :)

Then I asked about Education.

(45) Good Omen All augur well.Honour & Merit : Level of achievement of commensurate of efforts put in.have to work hard kao kao already :) Matrimony : Happy marriage.Haha good to know, but i didn't ask.

Not to say my fate is entirely based on that piece of paper lah, but it definitely lifted my spirits and drives me to work hard to achieve whatever it says I would achieve. Even if it didn't happen, close enough.

Visits to the temple has always been calming. Donated 2 ringgit to the donation box, coming to the temple empty-handed except for an umbrella, me and my cousin got to ask our uncles for money :P

Prayed and wished and felt better. In total used up : 2 ringgit and 10 cents. The 10 cents went into the wishing pond. I forgotten what I wished for. Or did I?

Went a little narcissistic to get a necklace with my Chinese name on it. And a Snoopy bell key chain. Whee. Have been seeing my relatives a lot these few days,which is good. Get to know things I never knew about the background of our family tree. I didn't know my uncle's brother's cousin existed, and I'm auntie to kids I have no idea where they are. Got bombarded with dialects a little too much.

I was doing fine smiling and nodding until they started being funny that I started laughing. I was supposed to be the banana until don't know any shit in Chinese one. Me speaking English built this barrier around me that I don't speak the same language. Plus, I like when they translate for me, it becomes a gazillion times funnier :P

Actually no, some jokes cannot translate one. Its either you get it in its original dialect, or suffer sleepless nights of never knowing. So far nobody talked bad about me or tell any secrets lah behind my back by not speaking English lah. I'm just not comfortable speaking my mother tongue. Like its better off coming out from somebody else's mouth.

Really broken. I speak when I have to. Which is hardly. Coming to think of it, my first language is English. And then it got spinned and tumbled-dry with the other dialects that it becomes rojak English which I am most comfortable with.

Anyway, the fact that my grades are slipping down is a wake up call. I can't always screw up my studies whether intentional or not. If my grades are falling, it shows that more effort is needed and so is brain juice squeezed out to the maximum and used efficiently. I want to start the second and final semester with a whole new determination and attitude.

I seriously hope it isn't too late and it would all pay off at the end. I can gasp, cry, moan, wail, scream, whine, complain and rant about my results or start doing something about it. I'm only allowed to take disappointments that is already paired with 485212365796053114 levels of efforts. If not, I would smack myself for even thinking about giving up.

I want to feel better knowing that I couldn't have done better as I already tried my freaking best. Which I don't think I did last sem. Regrets, why I so stupid? The only thing I'm allowed to screw are the bolt to my skull where my brain is located. Knowledge would be stored in there, and not just fly in and out.

I would try my freaking best to stay awake in class, absorbing every single shit that is mentioned, and writing everything that mattered. Depending on my experience from sem 1, I'll prepare myself for sleepless nights if it gets work done and syllabus understanding occurs. Less lazy breaks :)

And I want to mean what I say this time. These are all just words of crap if I don't do it.

Enough beating myself up about this, literally. These 2 weeks might not be sufficient, but it was quite a relaxing recharging holiday. 1 more day, crap! *inhales deeply for 20 seconds*

Escapade.

2011-06-07T10:50:00.168-04:00

Cold. It was. Now that I'm back on flat ground, :(

The one thing I love to complain about is the weather. Cos there is always something to complain about. Hee, its freaking hot lah. why so hot? why got sun? please lah don't so hot! K, complained over and done with.

The 3 days at Genting was blissful. It already felt like heaven. Well it was closer to heaven being so high up. Not very high lah but high enough. Everything to me is heaven lately, peppermint and chocolate ice-cream, the good ol' air-conditioner, iced water, ice, tiramisu, and everything cold. At this stage, I don't even mind going to the North Pole to melt with the icebergs, and risk myself to die from Polar Bears(so cute) eating me and avalanche.

What stinks is that school kids also shares the same holiday, not the kids that stink but the fact that they make the checking procedure dragged on to 3 hours later by asking their parents to bring them here and crowding the place. Yeah there are foreigners and teenagers. So first day wasted from waiting, and more waiting.

And waiting meant spending more money. Waiting made me buy cotton candy. MELTINGLY GOOD. What also stinks is that they discriminate people below 21 but above 17, and forbid them from getting into the casino :(

From what I can peep from my height lah, is the jackpot slot machine blinking at me. So tempting right. I would probably lost some coins there but can try my luck lah.

So cannot gamble, must go shopping lah. Was drawn to the huge 50% discount SALE sign, since its all over the shop, everything should be on sale lah right. After picking out my favorites and doing some math in my head(yes, i can count), and slashing the original price into half, and smile at the figure.

Like some sicko I know :P Two shirts, check at the counter. The cashier said RM103. wtf. That was double of what I've counted. My math suck, but basic plus and minus I know one. Yet I could not pull that opportunity cost thing as there is NO next best thing, I want them both D:

Already I spend half plus 3 bucks from the allowance I just got from my auntie. Oh well, 5 bucks went to charity. This is not being spendthrift. This is being the save for the rainy day kind of act. What I buy can be kept in the closet for a rainy day. Or I could wear everyday to get my money's worth :P

The best thing about coldness, wear one more layer over gao dim. If still cold, bearable lah. But if the freaking weather boiling hot, okay lets not go there. Showering a lot is the way to go. Oh and eating ice-creams. Coughing a lot doesn't stops me but it earned me some lecture from my Mom lah.

So how was the rides? As I was saying, long lines. Me and my cousin only got to sit on the spinning swing thing, the boat swinging thing, and the flying coaster thing. The rest was kiddish(merry-go-round is never kiddish lah and also the spinning teacup), and has really long lines or was closed. Damn potong steam. Waiting forever sucks.

Watched some magic show performance. Magical.

HAHA, I also went into Ripley's Believe or Not museum, with my super itchy hands and my cousin brother's a second too late warning. Yes I touchy touched the fertility statue with my second finger of my right hand. Grrrrrrreat. Constant teasing that I would get pregnant from both my brother and cousin brother? Check.

I know I have been joking about being pregnant a lot, but I don't believe I would be just from touching it. Everytime I am asked to do something, I said I was. Everytime I was seated in the seat I like and my brother wanted me out, I said I was. Its something that I secretly think its funny. And I think my brother do too :P

I'm not trying to go against feminism which I support a hundred percent. Its just that since I'm a girl, when I look fatter I can say I'm pregnant. Which is really smart lah. Seriousness kicking in, I think mothers are the most beautiful people in the world. Having me in my Mom's tummy for about 10 months(I'm not that light), disrupting her sleep every night without fail, makes walking a bit of a chore, and the pain she had to go through....times 4.

I don't even think I can pull through for....well even before the head of my baby come out, I would like tell the doctor to keep the baby inside forever. I should train myself to handle pain from now on and not talk back to my Mum that much already :)

This would only be considered about like 20 years from now.

I ate a lot lah as usual. Extra cheesy slices of pizza, garlic bread, soup, chicken wings, kaya toast, half boiled eggs, oh and lots of chicken rice. Apparently chicken is bad for my skin, but its too good, finger lickin' to be exact :P I eat lots of greens to feel less guilty.

I always used to think that I live to eat. Well, eating to live is not fulfilling at all. Once upon a time, or better still a long long time ago,
before I become a giant monster......

So after eating and eating and eating and eating, and somewhere in between from a point of time to another point of time, I thought that eating just makes you full. It fills up your stomach with its delightful taste and then you shit it out. Okay lah, I wasn't that dumb. I mean like for quite some time, I didn't seemed to be growing much.

I needed to shoot upwards and plump myself a little sideways. Instead of like choosing the certain food that serves that purpose, I began to develop my liking towards my favorite food. I thought the more I ate, the more I grow. It is true. TOO true.

I've gotten too used to the fact that no matter how much I ate, I would be just the same. Until, I realized I've gotten taller. Yeah so no more eating like there's no tomorrow or no matter how much I ate, I wouldn't get F-A-T. But I did because I was F-E-D a lot. Or offered/tempted with abundant food for growth and taste buds. Or that I came to love food a lot.

Then again, I thought to myself that life is too short to count calories or be picky with what I should or shouldn't be eating. Heck, since I was already bigger than I expected but was still in the healthy BMI range, eat only lah. Good food is good life.

I really miss my grandma :(

Where's the car keys?

2011-06-05T00:03:00.093-04:00

The reason I like driving other than the bit where I get to go out whenever and wherever I want is that is that I get to be in control of something in my life. The feeling that I get behind the steering wheel other than the jumpy feeling as I'm not really stable in my driving yet, is the thrill I get when I drive down the road.

That the car moves the direction I steer the wheel at, it goes faster when I want it to(technically when I press the accelerator but blah okayy), and that my hitching rides days would soon come to an end. Also due to the lack of space in the porch for more cars, so share with my brother I must. And because of the fact that he's a guy and he's older so he gets priority when it comes to using the car.

I really don't mind hand-me-down cars, or like old junkie cars. I can pretend its a Transformer. That it'll transform to some cool yellow with blue stripes monster truck with black windows when the sun goes down. Whether in my dreams or not, any drivable car works for me.

Just the other day, okay I forgot which day, but one day I suddenly suggested that I should drive with a haha while seated beside the driver's seat. And to my gleeful surprise, my dad said yes. My brother was like But i don't want to die so early. Instinctively, I asked him to go and die haha.

I have only driven auto cars like once in my life, and that was my second time. My left leg reached for the non-existent clutch like some idiot lah naturally. My left leg feeling useless I guess decided to rest itself on the brake. While my right leg on the accelerator. Once I reverse so fast, my dad and bro panicked like shit.

I was pressing the brake, but its like so stiff and not as sensitive as the manual one. After reversing, I drove like tak sampai 1 metre okay I suck at measuring distance lah but I stopped at my neighbor's house. The pathetic thing was it was my next-door neighbor. What the heck, I drove damn little then ask me stop damn tak shiok lorr.

Haha, to be honest, I was worried for my dear life too so I understand how they feel. I turned the steering wheel so much that it was like I was trying to dodge some dog on the road when there isn't any. I also think that its too early to be using my insurance. Driving a real car isn't like the arcade, its ten times cooler :)

They say P drivers are the most impatient and easily irritated. Myth.

CUTTING IN. perfectly acceptable. if you apologize and thank the person you cut lah. if you are knocking over cones to cut in, please go and bang yourself at some wall.
INDECISIVE DRIVERS. these type of drivers are asking to be slapped. Oh no, where should I go? Left or right? I'll just sway here and there until the road feels right. And yet they are on the fast lane omg.
DRIVERS ON PHONES OR HIGH ON MUSIC ON THE RADIO. pay attention on the blardy road please. if the phone call is more important than your life, use bluetooth headset or something. and if the music is not distracting your driving skills, fine. blast it up.
NO SIGNAL AND WRONG SIGNAL. this one ah, .....nothing to say.
WRONG LANE FOR SMART DRIVERS. the ones that have no plans of driving fast are on the right lane, which is so awesome lah. why the driver so smart one? left lane, for chicken and steady drivers which i am sometimes. middle lane, for temporary unsure whether to speed or not. right lane, for racers.

I'm not saying I have every right to be irritated. I'm just saying, that people driving on roads are wonderful people with wonderful reasons. Despite all this feelings, I have never used the peet peet peet on anybody. The honking would be saved for somebody special, specially rude that is.

For now, my license would rot for awhile and be covered in dust. Until I learned how to reverse safely and wear my seatbelts, I would be allowed to drive. So fingers crossed wheeeeeee :)

Hey, sarcasm?

2011-06-02T06:37:00.002-04:00

Hello again, I am back to crap some more. If Chicken soup is for the soul, I guess blogging is for the heart? Okay lame. One thing is for sure, that there is something I need to get off my chest. The thing is I can't remember what it was at the moment. So here I am frustrated. Its in my head somewhere, but where? and what?

Oh well, I guess I'll get that lightbulb moment soon enough!

My memory isn't getting any better :(

I've been posting Post-Its everywhere and setting tasks on my phone yet I still manage to forget. I always remember the wrong things. And forget all the important things. Most of the time. On the rare occasion when I do remember, I feel really happy and useful.

Am I afraid of dying? Apparently not. Judging by the countless procrastinating I've been doing. But yes, I am afraid of dying. I just can't help just doing my work and nothing else. Like to finish my work first to relax later on. Thats probably why I'm struggling to keep my head above water. I am l l(THIS CLOSE) distance between that two Ls lah to handing up my assignments late and failing my tests(oh wait I already did).

It being the 8th day of my holiday, heck time really flies too fast this time. Wishing holidays would last forever would take forever. That is to happen. Unless I die. CHOI. I know me saying die this die that is equivalent to fuck my life. There are people who got it worse. But its like a figure of speech and it kinda drives me not to die so I'll try not to die so badly and really try my best.

Shit, giving up is so tempting right now. I did made it through one whole semester which is 6 freaking months long. Though it hasn't been a smooth journey but it means a lot. And yes, I've learned a lot. Increased assets in my limited knowledge and also awesome friendship. I wouldn't have made it through without them.

I shall learn from my failures. Failing addmaths all my life but passing at the end actually got me used to the fact that I can easily fail something. The smartest thing I've ever done is to get Maths or yeah maybe Science too out of my life. No exaggeration, nothing I've done so far can be smarter than that.

:) PHEW! Time to take a breather.

I truly hope the negative vibes from my rants are gone. At least for now. Now to happier and lighter stuffs, I have been wondering lately whether I was adopted. HEE. Its not about the treatment I'm getting that felt like it was secondhand love. Its the looks. Its the face, yeah I know what people like to rhyme that with, face problem. I have more like, skin problem that the freaking meds are not helping at all. I do look A BIT like my dad but I think that's it.

I do wanna know where I got my freaking face from. I wanna resemble my parents. I want people to go 'YOUR DAUGHTER AH?', not like when they see me walking with my dad then they go 'So, this is your daughter?'. And the hi auntie, hi uncle crap. Okay now I'm just crapping.

Then I started to notice the little things. Now we're talking about traits. I'm living in a house full of sarcastic people. From the lowest degree to the chunted sarcastically-inclined. To be sarcastic, you have to be lame. And personally I think my youngest brother is the lamest lah :P

I believe there is a way of using sarcasm, and still not hurt people's feelings. Sometimes I just blurt out things, but I really think before saying stuffs....sometimes lah. Its like I was thinking with my ass. I think that explains a lot.

But right life is too short, to analyze and critically think about anything and everything just to have a normal conversation with people. I hate to be cliche but like Nike says, just do it. However in order to do it, you have to make sure people around are not overly sensitive and the things you say, you don't really mean it in a bad way.

Its hard sometimes too, that people don't take me seriously. I am actually serious 15% of the time, believe it or not. And it increases with my level of stress. Its also due to my inability to deal with serious situation that made me slightly sarcastic.

Heck I use sarcasm to avoid serious and awkward situation. Well in a group of emo people, they can't ALL be emo, there has to be at least one person to make things seemed less dark and...my lousy English and limited vocabulary has failed me.

To be fair, I actually am 4861457933266 times more sarcastic towards my family. And they enjoyed it cos its our kind of communication. And its my kind of fun.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

The weather, yes I complain about the weather 24/7, is still freaking hot! pfft. I really don't mind leaving in the North Pole now seriously. I might die of being eaten by a polar bear or being hit on the head by some avalanche or hit some iceberg while running haha.

At first, I was devastated that I couldn't go to Singapore because all the hotels are all booked out. I even got psyched to the renewing my passport thing. I don't get psyched waiting to get something unless its for a ticket for a movie. Then the plan got changed to some hill. I am going to the hills. YAY!

Hills up high where it is cold and nice and cooling and soothing and fun and nice and cold and cooling. No snow, not winter but close enough :)

I'm going on Sunday. And I'm never coming back. HOHO, I wish. Okay night, sleepy. Sweet dreams!

HOLLY-HOLLY-DAYYYYY!

2011-06-02T06:27:00.002-04:00

The holidays has finally arrived. And its pure holiday this time, not a homework or research or assignment filled one.

"A vacation or holiday is a specific trip or journey, usually for the purpose of recreation or tourism. People often take a vacation during specific holiday observances, or for specific festivals or celebrations. Vacations are often spent with friends or family.

A person may take a longer break from work, such as a sabbatical, gap year, or career break."

Wikipedia covered quite a good explanation of a holiday also.

My definition of a holiday : ABSOLUTE NOTHING BUT FUN, AND WORRY-FREE PLUS LOTS AND LOTS OF FUN WHEEEEE.

yes, my definition of holiday made it a little retarded I'm sorry :P

The holiday also gives me time to sit back and think. And relax. Something I haven't been doing for a long time. Is it because of my poor time management skills or is it just that I'm not a thinking person? It really doesn't matter anymore.

My long awaited holiday, is finally here. Taking into account that I never really got to enjoy my three months after SPM, after I got really unlucky for not being picked to serve the country but its okay I've moved on and thought about positive things. The thought of starting college early and graduating early just got the best of me.

Well my brother's advice came 3 hours too late, of using the three months to just think about what I wanna do instead of rushing into things. I wouldn't say I was rushing into things, more like providing more options for myself. Now for one thing, I'll never never ever ever study Business. Or even think of going to the corporate world as I don't like Economics and I'll be a very lousy businesswoman(I can't even sell a piece of chee cheong fun to save my life, really)

I would say if I went on and take the hospitality and tourism course, I would be rushing into things. I was pretty sure that was the route I wanted to take. I convinced myself that college would not mean more STUDYING but more learning what I wanna learn not just for the sake of it.

Instead I chose to mentally and physically abuse myself since January 19th, cheers to that :)

HAHA, I seriously am unsure whether I can make it through the end of the year. But one thing is for sure, that I'm no quitter. I would probably think of quitting my lame hobbies like...never mind. I have always been a fan of talking to myself. It actually keeps me sane.

Making it through the year, would be a blessing. And not to mention a relief to Daddy's bank account that I swear I would repay once I start earning that is enough to buy food and the rest would go to my parents I guess. I think both Mom and Dad just really really wants me to go to a good Uni, study hard, get a good job, get married and have babies.

All in all, I think like what I've always dreamed of, I would like to grow up. To not that old yet but old enough to support myself and my family would have one less burden/noise to the household :)

I'm not on the path reaching the point of no return actually, I'm just really really worried that by the end of the course, I wouldn't know where the hell I wanna be/go. Instead of letting the counsellor and teevee drama psycho me, I should make use of the holidays to go travel and get inspiration by just observing the people/world around me.

I've been shutting out myself from the world these past few months for the sake of handing up assignments on time and studying my ass off to get a decent grade. I just hope in the end, this is all worth it.

And I came across some piece of information that made a lot of sense.

BRAIN DAMAGING HABITS

1. No Breakfast.

People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.

Very true, better start eating breakfast.

2. Overeating.

It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.

This one haha, I happen to do a lot.

3. Smoking

It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.

Except this.

4. High Sugar consumption.

Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.

I love my desserts lah.

5. Air Pollution.

The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our 20 body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency.

Exhaust gases from vehicles everywhere.

6. Sleep Deprivation.

Sleep allows our brain to rest... Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells...

No wonder lah most of brain cells died already.

7. Head covered while sleeping.

Sleeping with the head covered increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects.

Covering my face with the blanket is nice!

8. Working your brain during illness.

Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.

So I've been pushing it too much, maybe I should use it less ;)

9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts.

Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.

I do think a lot. Just not what is necessary :P

10. Talking Rarely.

Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain.

I talk a lot, so cannot be.

I've never been smart. And to worsen the effect, I don't like studying very much either. I'm a very lazy person without motivation and threats. Yes threats, for the crushed and unsure future of mine. I don't mind working hard first as the idea of retiring is really blissful :)

Being careless person I am, can it also mean to care about things less? I miss being a kid having not a care in the world. Now I lost count of the things I worry and care about. I do care about lots of things. Its not like I don't give a damn, its just that I'm tired of caring about everything.

Limited caring equals a happier me. I don't wanna get wrinkles before my time. Caring about what is worth caring about is the way to go :)

Sometimes I just wanna slap myself for procrastinating, but without the sense of urgency and the lack of time, my brain just won't work. That is what is left of my brain, the remaining undead brain cells. WHEEEEEEEE, since I'm not smart I should work twice as hard but I feel like I'm not and I can't.

Dear Shing,

I want you to never give up. And be the person you were. Never change yourself to please the world. Oh and be happy.

Happy is a subjective matter.

2011-05-27T17:24:00.000-04:00

I AM QUITE HAPPY

THE

MOMENT :)

Looking on the brightside.

2011-05-22T06:35:00.001-04:00

Let's start over, let's pretend that I've gotten lots and lots of sleep, have no assignments at all, or exams, have 5 hours break daily, the freedom to do anything fun in class, would I be happy?

I mean I would but I would get sick of it after awhile. When things all goes how I've expected and there isn't any surprises or challenges. I mean I could use all the sleep I can get in the world but still...... something would be missing.

THE EXCITEMENT ADRENALINE OMG SOUNDS LIKE A ROLLER COASTER. what I'm trying to say is that life isn't that easy.

It isn't as easy as referring which is actually copying off a friend's work. Hard work, I'm sorry and eternally grateful weyh. Without that, I wouldn't have survived up till now. When I tried doing, I looked at the paper for like 2 minutes with not a clue what the answer might be. I mean this is what happens when I decided to like later.

What is this?
Its okay, I'll understand it later.

What you talking?
Later you tell me okay?

What work?
I do later lah.

As in my case, my mum and dad would ask me do tomorrow lah. Cos they think sleep is more important where in fact there is no tomorrow for me. Its not my fault, I do faster or think faster when I think to myself that if I die tomorrow I would want to finish what I've started which basically means deadline. Whether it being the best or not. I know I did tried my best and I would not have any regrets.

When I actually tries to do my OWN homework, (I always do one back in secondary, primary school so what the hell happened?), I would do lah if got time. Time taken to read, understand, and look through notes takes about an hour for me WITH distractions lah. There'll always be some distractions for me one. I can't live without it, or with it actually.

Music and videos are good distractions :P I rather be dying of assignments than dying because of exams :(

Even if I try not to do last minute, cos of me being damn slow, I always managed to finish just the night before one. Oh and of cos there is peer pressure, where most of them would rush their work but it turns out damn awesome and like shit we have to study. That I really have to thank them. Just thinking of my future helps to make me work too :)

SAM taught me that without sleepless nights, 30 seconds nap during class, determination and smart kind classmates, COFFEE life would suck. HEE.

Better still, if I can accomplish my '258+22 things to do before I die' lah. For now, I'm happy with where I am. 17 and somewhat half years of existence, the least I could do being a good daughter is to go to Uni. I want to be able to choose where am I going and not just settling for what I can get. So...........................................here's to another 5 more months of dying. And it'll be worth it in the end :)

Problem solved. HEE. In my dreams lah haha.

With midterms coming tomorrow, the more I read the more I get depressed. OPTIMISM. I'll write my name on the paper, flip every page until I see what I know how to do, and just do it. Freaking out inside, I hope I don't have to write any sorry messages to my lecturer tomorrow not that I have the guts to do that lah.

Never like the thought of studying, what more studying. Studying by force would suck, so I'm trying to teach myself to like it. I mean even if I walked in the exam hall like a failure, I would want to walk out feeling that some questions saved my sorry ass. Not easy questions but not-so-hard questions. Since I'm not smart, I might as well be hardworking(which I'm also not, well at least not enough). I'll TRY.

I've got start being serious. With work and yeah with everyone. Yes, I would like every day and every minute of everyday to be fun. Or funny. I should crap less and be a nerd. Or TRY to be a nerd cos I'll never be as smart as a nerd. I don't wanna spoil the reputations of nerds. Every failure is a step closer to WHAT'S THAT WORD AH? You get what I mean lah. Or at least I get myself.

LAZE AROUND SOMEMORE LAH!

2011-05-08T09:45:00.001-04:00

Feeling so lazy. As always. But since its Saturday, extra lorr. I look so free on the outside right, its usually because I love to fool myself into thinking I have nothing to do or in other words, procrastinate. I can't help doing that. 5 days of college a week and sometimes more, is really sucking the life out of me.

If this keeps up, I will need more de-stressing outings. Yet I can't say I hate college, cos I really do still enjoy college. The classes might be boring sometimes, so trying to stay awake is one of the hardest thing to do in the world.

Whether being afraid of the lecturer or the guilt of falling asleep, I'm pretty proud of myself for not collapsing halfway in between the lessons. Nescafe barely works anymore. It does when I didn't think it would. So, I should stop believing in the coffee to enjoy its benefits to the max. Walking around in the sun, or washing my face vigorously worked better.

Sleep is just another sacrifice I have to make in order to keep myself in college. I know I did promised myself to go for consultation too many times, but my breaks are dear to me. Despite being behind my studies, I'll have to try coping in other times. You have no idea how much I look forward to my breaks and the weekends.

Taking them away would kill me on the spot. And feeling down as I don't have a small enough pillow to stuff into my bagpack. My not-so-hard-but-not-that-soft bagpack would have to be my substitute. The bagpack I carry everywhere, up and down 3 flights of stairs is breaking my already broken backbone.

Yes I slouch a lot. But I can't help putting my gigantic file of papers which I would die without, pencilbox for my awesome highlighters and note-takings tools, tumbler to quench my thirst, and junks lah in my bagpack. I do carry my books in my hands to lighten the load. If I go backpacking, I sure die one. Unless I have some minions to carry my bag lah >:P

The first half of the post, I was blogging yesterday. Now its Sunday night. And what have I been doing? Definitely work. The trying to do work part is in lah. But shit, still got lots to do! I'll just have to settle for rushed last minute work again lah as usual. I'm sorry I suck so bad in time management.

I am as nice as the cat on the road scratching the bushes.

Ignore that crap. Seriously damn hot lah the weather. I don't feel like doing anything but what I like doing. I work better at home, not in front of the computer unless its research and microsoft work. If not its hardcore in my room, on my bed, though very crashing into sleep prone. Its a risk I would like to take >:D

Feel like splashing buckets of ice/cold water on me, or burying myself into snow/making snow angels too bad Malaysia has only one fantastic season which is SUMMER whee. Where we get tanned and so hot that we sweat like pigs. THE BEST SEASON EVER!

*imagining snowball fights in my head*

I WANT COLD AIR. COLD WIND. COLD WATER. COLD SHOWER. COLD EVERYTHING.

I NEED ICE CREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM >:)

Night world!

Oh and Happy Mother's Day >:)

So its hello again! :)

2011-05-01T18:19:00.000-04:00

Okay 30 minutes to blog hmmmm....that is to get back to bed and pretend I was asleep all the while. Just a few gulps of Red Bull, and it works wonders. Although due to Labor's Day, this weekend was supposed to feel extra longer. Due to frequent daily trips to the college, its like every other day.

Omg I should have taken the less sugar Red Bull. Tastes like medicine yuck! Would stick to my coffee. But RB does works. My Mum whack me for drinking it. So yeah first and the last time drinking that.

Sure I got the warning to sleep before I'll die from parents but I wouldn't have slept well anyway. I sleep well in college and back home when I have absolutely nothing urgent to do. Its not even the matter of last minute work or not. Its the matter of crazy shitass work we're given.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. I'll grumble but I still have to finish up the assessment, assignments and presentations. I would say the not counted ones that I did best. Anyway, productivity level slightly higher. I finished an essay, typed a question out, edit some report and tweetfbtumblr. Oh and skype. The constant bubbly sound and the voice of my staying up buddy is my company for the whole day, night, the next day!

My dad so lameeeeee. I told him to come at 4 sharp the other day.

Blunt can anot?
LAMEEEEEEE.
You need a sharpener lah.
*buries face in my bag*

And after all that, he still comes late omggggggggggggg. HAHAHAHA he damn cute! Yeah when I'm moody these days, I feel bad lah. I miss having stupid stories night with my brother and lame talks with my dad. College is sucking out the life off me at the end of the day.

That's how it is.

2011-04-23T11:17:00.000-04:00

Hello world,

Here I am typing because I want to, not because I have to. I've never stayed up for work until this year. Sleep has now become my guilty pleasure. I am quite surprised how little things I have to give up despite the lack of time and brains.

Hmmm, lets see. I had to give up :

my precious teevee time.
my supposedly 8 hours of sleep to just 4 hours or less.
my monthly outing.

I shall not be so calculative this way. After all, its a 10 months course so quite a crash course lah. No pain no gain! I have doubts whether the condition of my skin has to do with stress? Or just allergies. I dunno man. If so, then it's proof that I haven't been slacking in college when I have. Eyebags don't do me enough justice. As I always have them anyways.

Sleepless nights, are partially the reason?

I'm guessing all this shit would prepare me for Uni so I kinda don't mind lah. I'm just terribly worried that I'm not doing good enough to keep up with the rest. Or like at least to graduate. I make full use of my breaks to stop using my brain. Not a complete shutdown but you don't know how hard it is to pay attention in class when you're freaking tired.

I mean we are all tired, so I don't know how the rest do it. So alert, and questions bombarded at their directions has all the right answers. I thought I was doing a good job projecting the-i-am-listening-and-understanding-every-word-you-say-that-kind-of-face to the lecturers until I'd seen one and know how terribly I've failed in doing so.

I do understand at times, some, or like I go back and understand. I have to start being the type that has to know stuffs there and then. Things I don't know can't bug me. *slaps self*

The worst thing is to put off things I have to do for later. By the time I get back, BOOM, distractions everywhere. Start work only at 10 at night. Or after 12. If with minimal distractions, I can get things done by 2am. Latest I've stayed up is 5am. Then I goes to bed and pretend like I was there all the while.

I do have my own alarm, but still need my dad lah. The snooze button is just so awesome! In the state in the morning where I feel that if I get up I'll die.

I don't mind, I just need to know that the staying up was worth it. Handing up assignments on time, and studying the night before the test never felt so good. If the grades were good, its a bonus. I could have tried my best to do stuffs/study earlier. Meeting deadlines has been fun so far since I haven't died lah.

I should stop using the word die. FML would be a slap across my face. I mean I chose the course myself, purely my choice so saying that would mean I made the wrong choice and its all my fault. This 70:30 thing is killing me but not being the type that likes exams over work I'll accept whatever that is coming up.

SAM FTW.

Gosh, I even checked for spelling errors, and grammatical errors before posting this. I blame ESL studies HAHA. English is fun, and its funner when your lecturer is especially sarcastic too. Classes are quite quiet these days though. Legals studies lecturer is leaving soon too. I can go on and on about the rest of the lecturers lah, but I damn tired suddenly.

The bottom line is that they're all very interesting people. (scary sometimes)

Asian musician youtubers were great help too. As the good type of distractions and stress-relieving.

I got my Peeeeeeee for Parking license today. No lah, I'm under probation for now. And yeah I suck at Parking. But who cares, I can drive and LEGALLY somemore. And bang people hehe kidding! I hate manual, but now after passing and all, I'm starting to like manual. Got the racer/F-1 feel. I don't like the handbrake lah.

Years of ignorance at the arcade where I thought after turning, the steering wheel would magically turn to like straight. No accidents, and my instructor still dare to sit beside me. So not hopeless. Though I feel very irritated lah seeing the drivers simply cut here and there. Rude. Patience, Shing :)

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TIREEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDD!

NITEKTHXBAI :)

HOPES UP HIGH!

2011-04-17T04:33:00.004-04:00

pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray.

IF IT TURNS OUT GOOD, I'LL BLOG ABOUT IT :)

Happy Sunday!

My prayers was answered. So so so thankful! More about that when I'm not dying for assignments.

22.

2011-04-10T10:32:00.000-04:00

3 presentations in a week. AWESOME! Not even being sarcastic about it, no matter how badly I did, I'm glad its over now. I could have done better though. Berry disappointed in myself. Getting stale lah the saying, but I gotta move on!

I must remind myself not to forget to breathe in and out. Or I'll suddenly blanked out. And practice properly, instead of going impromptu again. OMG. And time my freaking self. I don't wanna miss out any points also. I was trying to be smart with putting less words in my slides.

So that I would have more to say. Mana tau my memory so sucky. I should put like memory-triggering words weyh. Reading from the slides is sad :P I wonder how many points are deducted from that. Running low on formal attires too, gotta keep rewearing the same old one during every presentation.

I do enjoy the Research Project presentation, really not much pressure and because I'm really interested in that topic. I'll naturally have more to talk about.

Anyway moving along to happier stuffs, I now know who has got the best shoulder to lie on! And both are girls. But then I get so tired, I'll just crash on the table actually. I know that is very rude to sleep in class. I dare to sleep in some classes, I'm not saying its okay to sleep in class but you got to be smart about it.

I crash like for 30 seconds or so and get up to look at the lecturer in the eye. Or lean against the wall. Or pretend to be really absorbed in the sheet of notes/paragraph of words from the book. Sometimes I really am. After like 1pm, information would have difficulties getting into my giant airhead. Really information overload leh.

And I try not to eat/eat less too, no the reason isn't dieting though I'm very heavy. I shall not use that 3 letter F word, very sensitive word. With a very full stomach, I get so restless and unwilling to do my work/study. I could just eat desserts all day, don't care what fattening la. The good thing about being heavy, is that you're already at the level ma so nothing to maintain LOL.

No lah, I mean I feel healthy and fine the way I am now. I haven't been gaining any more weight actually, I guess its the stable weight I've reached. Comparing would make me feel worse of course. On pretty much the meaty side. I don't get offended actually with fat jokes(a bit lah). I would like to lose like 2 kilos though!

Sunday night, typical of me sitting in front of the computer. Which is like less than 1 metre from my brother's comp. Where we crap to each other, occasionally I would roll my roller chair towards him and whack him with my pillow. Since he's like on his earplugs totally oblivious to his surroundings. OH SO FUN!

No matter what, there is always gonna be the Monday blues. My new favorite day would be Wednesday excluding the weekends lah which I'll love anyways. The least favorite would be Thursday. Less break and longer hours.

College life, hectic but fun lah. I can take whatever prepares me for Uni life. Even if that means late nights of working on assignments, lesser time for recreation, skipping of meals, and to more months of ffk-ing outings.

I seemed to talk a lot about sleep. Emphasizing on the fact that sleeping less, and sleeping too much isn't good. Less I mean 3 hours. Too much I mean 12 hours. Oh the bliss of sleeping like there's no tomorrow during the weekends. The only thing I wish wouldn't be taken away from me.

People like my brother and Daddy has no sympathy for me in this case. Like waking me up so damn early for a game of basketball. Apparently one-on-one isn't very fun, and they enjoy seeing how I suck. Eh, of course suck lah how many months didn't play ady!

HAHA.

I shoot like twice out of 10 times of trying. Plus I tickled my bro to get the ball. I do snatch sometimes but I always ended up falling down. As usual, me and my Dad makes a great team. Preparing that ungrateful small boy heehee for his tournament somewhat.

I think thats how I got so tomboy. I get whiny when they don't call me for games back then. I'm glad I did also lah, quite a good way to bond. And for me to get some exercise lah!

The weekends is also the time where I can bug my family members to make up for the absence of my presence during the weekdays. Bug to my heart's content. In a way, its stress-relieving to do so.

They would make fun of me, and I would ask them to shaddup! Pure fun.

Oooh a wordy post! Yet I still feel something is missing. Like I haven't let out something important. Rain and Bruno Mars :)

I mean I think they would be much more events/concert I'll have to sacrifice/miss in the future. So I might as well be optimistic about it. And buy the concert album or see the Youtube videos of what I've missed instead of sulking.

Bad results, can be fixed. Emotional distress, cannot be fixed. I shall not be emo(too much) anymore :D

ps/Driving is tiring but fun. Speeding too :D

G'night sweet dreams have a nice night good good night dreams happy stuffs be happy don't worry lovesssss!

Barely.

2011-04-02T11:04:00.025-04:00

Hey world,

I used to enjoy presentations. I really wanna know what happened. Procrastination is bad. Yet I still do it. Another sleepless night I guess. Being a semi-pro/not-so-noob in using the Microsoft Powerpoint and Word already. Things I'll have to use eventually. I like the fact though, we don't have to write everything by hand anymore(most of the times). Where one stupid mistake, could ruin the whole thing.

Which is why I always save my documents. Yet, I still managed to NOT save the one I have been working on and always having to do them again. I've learned that work done at 4am is crap, but it has to be done. Work done by 2am is fine! :)

I'm so tired, but sleeping is not an option. Up since 10am, and I've got nothing much done. I work whole day cannot finish my work but if whole night I can. SURPRISINGLY WEIRDLY lorr. Despite the workload, I still didn't regret joining SAM. Great experience lah, did I mentioned my classmates rocks?

INTRODUCING MY FAVORITE SONG OF THE CENTURY.

2011-03-20T05:02:00.000-04:00

Man, I love Fridays. This song just makes my Friday more FUN FUN FUN! I didn't know Friday was this inspiring and fun when I was 13. This song has teach me so much and I'm really thankful I'm one of the 21 million people who witnessed this beautiful song. I should care more about the seats I choose now. And not skip my breakfast cereal.

Instead of waking up at 6:10 everyday, I shall now wake up at 7:00 on the dot. Lets dougie and dance with my friends. Friday nights would never be the same, only 10 times awesomer! Partyin' Partyin' yeah, looking forward to the weekends.

WE SO EXCITED, WE SO EXCITED. I REALLY DON'T WANT DIZ WEEKEND TO END. yesterday was thursday, today it is friday, tomorrow is saturday and sunday comes afterwards. OMG CATCHY LYRICS I CAN ALREADY MEMORIZED.

GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAYS. I think I'm going to kick the driver out and take the KICKIN' FRONT SEAT!

FRIED-EGGS EVERYDAY! :)

BACKACHE.

2011-03-20T04:35:00.001-04:00

Oh and how I want a laptop cos sitting in front of the desktop all day is hurting my back. Everytime I stretch it sounds like all my bones are breaking. And it'll be stupid and impossible to bring my desktop to wi-fi places e.g Starbucks/Mcdonalds/basically everywhere in SS15 that there is no need for stealing anybody's connection. I hate to see people doing that, thats so cheap and lame lorr.

And I can put it on my lap, like so convenient lah :P

Not having a laptop, gives me another reason to delay doing my work. And hide myself from the hopeful faces of my lecturers. Sorry Mr. David, I'll do better next time! I'll do the little book for my law notes. And pay my fullest attention when you're giving us important facts and trying your very best to make us understand. And do a lot a lot of reading.

2 LAPTOPS IN DA HOUSE, one for Daddy and one for Mummy. 2 DESKTOPS IN DA HOUSE, one for me and one for sai lou. Yi kor gets to use the laptop lah. UNFAIR. And dai kor brought his Mac away with him overseas and leaves his pathetic stuffs behind ):

Its not giving in to peer pressure that I want a Mac. HAHA, I like dissing hardcore Apple haters by crapping about the goodness of a Mac. Not Big Mac or anything like that. MacBook Air, cos yeah my right shoulder is already dying from the weight of my bag. College books are lesser than high school ones but don't underestimates its thickness and weight.

Crazy, that I want to switch back to bagpack, never mind the going back to high school crap. ONLY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS CAN USE BAGPACK MEH? Never mind the entire population of girls carrying handbags to college and look so elegant doing it. I look like a bull carrying books in my arms and rushing to class just so I can dump all my books there.

I thought to myself, either I get myself a locker or get a place nearby or borrow my friend's place as my resting lair hehe second home lah basically. And for saving petrol's sake, and my poor Daddy having to send me to college every morning, putting up with the terrible jam. And to pick me up at peak hours/jam crazy.

Side reasons haha, I think it'll be uber fun and cool to have my own place even if I'm splitting a room into half, I can call it my own. MY VERY OWN TEEN CRIB. Staying up late, eating supper, leaving my junks everywhere, washing and cleaning dishes and clothes, COOKING. Things I can't really do as Mummy still treats me like I'm some small girl.

I DAMN BIG ALREADY LAH OKAYYY. Less one rebellious teen in the house, I think they'll be secretly happy also lah. I've been away from home for 1 month longest. I wonder how long I can last, FOREVER?

HEEHEE, to the outside world I come and friggin' grow up!

I wonder whether its possible to part time at Sakae Sushi. Got TIME bo? Need the extra pocket money to cover up my spendthrift ways.

I miss my school friend and school lah suddenly :)
I miss not doing my homework yet still feeling good :)
I miss bad cheap canteen food :)
I miss OLD STUFFS :)

Crap lah 3 more days. So anxious. I hope chanting and praying for good results helps! Pressure lah everybody so smart around me! :/

#prayforjapan DONATE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN IF YOU CAN! and KEEP PRAYING WITH ALL YOUR HEART. BE SAFE AND BE STRONG.

Sanity is a madness put to good use.

2011-03-20T04:04:00.000-04:00

I usually never let go off any opportunity to go on a road trip. Spontaneous yes, one night before isn't enough for me to pack. The start of the second break from college this year, dang I'm so tired from all the studying and assignments. And Daddy and little bro planned to go Kedah. My perfect getaway because like its not so CITY, so I feel really really relaxed.

Oh well, I've been a lazy bum recharging my body from fatigueness. Finding excuses not to get started on my mountain-high assignments. I'm not alone, I shall leave my teammates in their LALAland for a few days before I asked them about meeting up for discussion and burst their holiday bubble.

It sucks to not be able to watch teevee, and laugh like a crazy person on the couch with my family anymore. The first thing I do everyday back from college, shower the smelly me, and makan-makan then straight to the computer. Whether to research, Facebook, Twitter or Tumblr. I spend the whole day at college, whole night in front of the computer screen.

Google : Research and enlightening my brain purposes. G answers all my questions, I just need to seek like A LOT. Not a 5 minutes check will do.
Facebook : Asking what the homework is, checking out what's up with the rest of the world, update my weary statuses, and offlining my chat box in case somebody comes and ask me the same question everytime I'm on.
Twitter : My rant outlet.
Tumblr : Where I can laugh at lame stuffs, reblog my feelings, and smile at people I can relate to.

Social networks are part of my life.

The other part is music. Where I can indulge and just get lost in that world. I hate that I don't have time to play piano anymore.

I still remember Orientation Day. I was like CRAP I DUNNO ANYBODY to my dad. Then I bumped into friendly faces. I stepped into the room with 27 other people I don't know. Exchanging hellos and smiles, the person sitting in front of me, Ally turns out to have really big dreams.

The girl beside me, Ebs turns out to be our class representative oh boo monitor je lah. And the girl sitting beside the person in front of me, Audrey turns out to live in the same area as I do and a really good friend I like to bully. Then the beside of the girl sitting beside me, Nic turns out to be in most of my group/teammates. The girl beside my really good friend, Rifah turns out to be married :O

Shocking facts that I am now all clear of and they're all really interesting folks. We were very divided at first haha, 1st table under the aircond, me and the English-talking girls/somewhat banana. 2nd table in the middle under the projector thingy, the Chinese pretty girls/somewhat Korean-ish. 3rd table, the boys.

I thought we were all going to stay divided for a long time. But then we started going for lunch together. Yeah about the eating at the same place and how lunch got me broke don't get me started. To the point where Mummy wants to limit me to $5 a day. Where got enough? Not my fault that food ain't cheap these days ma.

Possibly moving out like I said and how my brothers laughed. HEE HEE. I would to. Feel the sense of maturity and freedom :D

BEST GAME EVER :) on an I-phone la, still cannot beat the Sims.

Things I now need to be worried of.

2011-03-19T08:45:00.001-04:00

#1 Using the damn Times New Roman font in all my assignments. And yeah size 12. That precise and I'd never liked TNR to begin with. I just don't like lah. So no freelance feeling.

#2 Having enough sleep. Days where I would only have 2 hours of sleep because of my procrastination. But I really really don't feel the urgency to do until the night before. I'd always give my brothers the nag for that when now I myself do the same.

#3 Breaks of the day used wisely. No more eating and walking everywhere freely. Breaks are now used to consults my lecturers, hand up stuffs, going to the library, printing last minutes notes and stuffs, walking to the bank for my online shopping addiction I can't get rid of, hugging the snack machine hehe, or yeah MULTI-TASK, EAT AND DISCUSS WORK :)

#4 Contributing enough to my team as I really really do love group work. And it'll suck to let some of them do more of the work. Brainstorming together, dividing workload to a manageable amount, laugh at my stupidity, stress together and basically the teamwork spirit is rich!

#5 Little pop quiz eventhough it isn't counted in the 70% internal, COMES UP ON MY REPORT CARD. Back in high school, I may not have the best results but I won't be that chicken to show my parents. Whatever grades I'm getting, LITTLE or BIG, means the world to me.

#6 Not to give out the emo vibe too much and make my college mates feel the sadness too. I mean really they noticed the littlest expression. I guess putting a big smile on my face, and talking loudly cheerily isn't that hard to do. I have the whole evening and night to emo by myself if that even helps.

#7 Of talking too much. I might offend or annoy someone that way. Back when I talked non-stop and say anything that's on my mind, people I'd known like for just 2 months plus would not tolerate it as much as my 5 years of friendship I have with the rest. Yet I already feel close and that I could trust them.

#8 Hours in a day being insufficient. Spending like the entire day, 8am-4pm which is like the 9 to 5 job, maybe slightly funner. OT=STAYBACK, the only difference is I don't get paid. Being in college doing work motivates me more.

Thanks to the jam, by the time I'm back, there's time for dinner and checking e-mails(FB, twitter, tumblr). Then there's the procrastination, can't help doing that. I'll start work at 10pm sharp.

Then I'll have to sleep at 12am to make my Mum happy. Then my alarm wakes me up at 2am. Do do do do, maybe until 5am. Sleep then until 6:30am. Oh yeah 6:10am and then there's the snooze button omg thank god!

Dragged my close-to-dying-due-to-fatigue-body to college. Sleep for the first 10 minutes in class. Being a walking zombie the whole day after.

#9 Trying not to look dumb when teacher(yalah lecturer sounds so old) look around for understood faces. I nod like crazy but I understand also lah. But lay off the questions, I always know the answers to the ones she ask my classmates. Not the one I'm asked. I dunno if its bad luck or crappiness.

And just to be safe from that, I'll talk and ask a lot of questions whenever I can. They usually pick the ones that are quiet. Quiet yet deadly smart I tell you!

#10 Lastly feeling the joy for the success of my friends. I'm surrounded by smarties. I like that, in fact I do not have to go far for answers to my questions. And they're really great people, willing to help and share their wisdom. Patting their backs and congratulating them is the least I could do.

Well, they too feel sorry for the marks I'm getting. They're not gloating away. They care. They're awesome like that!

LAUGH MONDAY BLUES OFF!

2011-03-13T11:17:00.000-04:00

Source : TUMBLR, THE BEST SITE EVER EXISTED.

have a good night, dreaming sweet stuffs.

No matter what happened, it isn't the end of the world.

Even if it is, treasure your last few days alive on Earth :)

OPTIMISM.

8.9

2011-03-11T07:51:00.001-05:00

PRAY FOR New Zealand, the Philippines, Indonesia, Papua New Guinea, Hawaii!
And the other countries suspected of tsunami/earthquakes.

But OMG Japan, praying for each and every one of you!

Stay away from the shores, and stay at high places if possible. Kiss your loved ones, hug and tell them everything they need to know.

#prayfortheworld

LEARN TO WHEEEEEEEEE!

2011-03-04T09:11:00.000-05:00

I need to get used to the idea that the car is moving because of me. I shouldn't have a mini freak-out, stomach flip-overs every second of the lesson. I should control my grizzly bear ungraceful stiff not gentle feet not to let go of the clutch too fast, and completely(frankly i can't really feel the difference yet). I need to get used to my instructor yelling at me when I'm pressing/letting go the wrong thing. I need to remember to push and pull and not just push and shiok sendiri until forgot to pull.

Driving is not easy!

Daddy don't trust me enough to believe that with just 2 hours of driving experience in my whole life makes me eligible to hold the steering wheel to yi kor's car. In other words the ONLY manual car in the house. I understand the overprotectiveness but I believe my judgement to close to banging stuffs is awesome!

Oh well, slow and steady. Better late than never. WHATHEHECK?! I really want to learn something more than just driving in circles, turning right, slowing down, driving forward and reverse especially. My legs muscles could just die on the spot. The engine died like 4587951256 times. Frustrating, but I won't give up!

Tests, and assignments. I get my priorities right heeeee :D

CRY ME OUT!

2011-03-03T08:05:00.001-05:00

Crying is actually good for health. I have not been doing so for like six months until yesterday. I feel so much better. Though for the baby reason, the tears wouldn't stop rolling down. My classmates was such darlings about it and cheered me up with Baskin Robbin's!

Was emo, but now that its over. A bad memory has turned into a sweet memory overnight.

What I am not!

2011-02-23T09:14:00.001-05:00

You probably heard this a billion times before, Patience is a virtue. In that case, I'm not very virtuous. One month and two weeks wait is not a small number maaa. Woohoo, I finally got my L license back. I should start learning driving anytime soon.

I mean there's always my brother or dad that drives to and fro to get me from college but, I want to have the steering wheel to myself, drift when I want, and not sit boringly behind the driver's seat. Even if it means wearing seatbelts and paying attention to the road and not just cars.

8 hours in college, sleepy hours at home. Or you could say I'm tired all the time.

Economics test today was...................doable. I've been sitting for tests all my life, but this has to be the most nerve-wracking one. Now that I know there's a big clock in front to tell you the time, familiar lecturers that checks on you every 5 minutes walking around, the only sound in the hall is my loud breathing that only I can hear.

I'm starting to like cats. A little more everyday. I used to think puppies are the cutest thing alive. Little did I know, cats could be so fluffy that people could die too!

My tabs might not seemed very interesting, and consists the google research I should have but I watch videos before 10pm, after that its down to business. Cos nothing good happens after 10pm! True story. Crap, I spend more time sleeping than watching How I Met Your Mother too. How can?!

What I like about college :

Dad and Mum have no idea when do I have my test, not like back in those days where when my brothers has test I do too. Then I would be caught dead not studying. Its such a beautiful thing to study whenever I want.
I do not have to eat my Mum's healthy so-called tasty food every Tuesday and Thursday.
I do LESS chores. By the time I come back, the Sun has set and me acting tired really helps but I AM tired.
I would have a few hours of break in a row. And the library's a great place to sleep.
Students interacts with their lecturers.
Climbing 3 flights of stairs everyday. WOOHOO!
The 16 degree celcius room we hear lecture everyday.

And the list goes on. Not for now :) I'm going to indulge myself in more David Choi's music now, and watch videos and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy!

DON'T PSYCHO ME!

2011-02-19T08:51:00.000-05:00

Have you ever felt like digging someone else's eyeball out because they are shooooo pretty? I..................haven't. Why didn't I inherit Daddy's pretty light hazel iris? Oh well, I could pretend that its a shade of a really really really shade of dark brown that it appears black!

What shit am I talking about? Its a scorching hot Saturday afternoon, that I decided to stay indoors instead of going out active in the Sun and burn myself black.

I wouldn't say I have LOADS of homework this week but I can say I do have to RESEARCH and STUDY a lot. The class test coming up is really freaking me out. Another long week, lots of campaigns and persuasion going on. Yeah I'm gullible but I'll still vote for my friends!

College is more than worrying about where to eat, or what to wear everyday, or what people think of you, or how bitchy you should be. HEE, the last one is to just make the sentence seemed longer. Its actually MUCH MORE. Work keeps me occupied while anticipating the SPM results.

I do have lots to say, but my forgetfulness and lazy self is in the way!

Lets just say, my aim is to ace the class test, and earn myself front seats row to Bruno Mars's concert! Hell yeah! :)

Say what?

2011-02-11T10:00:00.003-05:00

I'm very grateful to have parents who doesn't pressurize me to take up Math/Accounts. I feel like a bird so free. Why am I so giler lame? I don't really know why. ♥ Now we have steady flow of homeworks, I don't really want to call it assignments yet. Then it won't sound THAT important.

Dangg I still call some of my lecturers TEACHER. So primary school lorr. I call my teachers CIKGU in secondary school. It just slips. Its 10:15 at night. I know I won't have much time to finish up my work during the weekends yet I'm here blogging, entertaining friends on fb instead of ignoring them like I always do, playing Draw My Thing(its pretty much like Pictionary only easier!) and screwing the other players mind by drawing uninterpretable pictures.

Well, I did helped them scored quite a bit of points by using some alphabets, and numbers. Plus its really obvious too. I like drawing DEAD PEOPLE, I just put the R.I.P and immediately people guessed it right rather than me struggling to draw something that only I know.

Anyway, that doesn't matter I guess. Just a little stress-reliever. Well, back in school I hated all my subjects except for English, and now I like all my subjects except for English as Second Language Studies. Oh the irony. I did choosed all my subjects so what is there not to like. I think the person passing on the knowledge to us plays a huge role too.

English is like the primary and first language for me. Yet I still can't grasp the thesis thing. Grrrr, frustrating. I hope I get it soon.

I really do enjoy Legal Studies classes though. I used to hate History so much. So why is Australian History any different? I think that its because I find out more things than the Australia the movie provides me.

We were supposed to watch V for Vendetta for a change instead of slides and discussions. Or rather a one-way questions and answers session. Was looking forward to that, but our lecturer was sick. BOOOOOO! Oh well! This week was okay I guess. 3 days of college.

Psycho, I now understand people's behavior even more. Analyzer too! While I choose to observe shallow stuffs, I should start learning to go beyond the obvious. And ignoring the curious side of me.

Economics, to be frank 2 years of learning it in BM, the main idea is there. But relearning it in English terms is slightly harder. And its much more complicated than that. Law of demand and supply and much moreee. Class test oh nooooooooo!

Research Project, topic topic topic topic ho bo?

We now have more Malays. Wheee! Now we just need more guys in our class, its so imbalanced between races and the gender. My LAN group consists of like 8 or 9 other girls. If we were to do a short movie, I doubt it would be as nice as the Chin Peng one. Guys are generally more funny!

My classmates, hmmm there are few most actually speak awesome English that a LAH would sound weird coming out from their mouth. Self-conscious with my rojak English yes I am. The funnest bunch!

I still get that back in school kind of flashback I wish I was....thinking. Here, I feel so guilty for sleeping in class. Holding my pee is also reasonable when in the middle of a lesson.

One thing I like about the Lecture Theatre is that its like the movie seats. I never sleep in the cinema ever. But in this case its very very comfortable to just rest your head on the back and look interested in what your lecturer has to say(most of the time I am), and like sleep ninja-style. Making sure nobody suspects or notices anything.

I wish there is a NAPPING CLASS where students are given half an hour to rejuvenate themselves for their next class instead of appearing droopy and becomes a dangerous victim for questions unanswered. A sofa would be nice. My bag doesn't plays the pillow role that well.

Unlike the old days, I do not carry stones in my bag already. As I do not use a backpack anymore, I'll break/hurt my right shoulder if I chuck all the books in. So what I do is put ALL the weight on my arms, carry them like they're my babies.

Thicker and bigger than ever, I realized that textbooks aren't really that necessary. We rarely used it except for Psycho and sometimes Legal Studies. I got the mentality that textbooks are everything. It really isn't anymore. Its more like the summarized version of the subject. So I kinda felt bad for asking Daddy to get the original version, well I can't really highlight them sayang ma.

The point is, I feel safe with textbooks. I got to look at other sources too. February 2011, Shing. OMG, I'm still having a hard time of using the format to properly write the source. Its like date, author then the book title or something like that. Something you can't fake.

Going to college is good exercise. I'm partly glad there is no lift/escalators. And partly grumbly that I have to climb 6 flights of stairs every morning including the cross-over bridge. And during lunch break and another break. And if I forgets something or when I want to get to the queueless washrooms. Countless time using the stairs.

Facilities : Enjoys the wide range of books in the library.
Food : We try to vary our choices of places to eat day by day.
Friends : People I spend the minimum hours of sleep(8 hours) with. Lovin' it!

The lecturers keep reassuring us that the first class test would be easy. I'll still be worried, probably less. STUDY STUDY STUDY!

And my piano teacher doesn't have a slot for me this week! I didn't practice also :P Bugs my familyyyyy more now!

Goshh, the firecrackers sounds is sho annoying. Giving me a headache. I hope they dont blast more tonight, CNY I know its a joyous occasion but people nak tidur lahhh. Okay then, got to start on my work like pronto! Night and sweet dreams :D

Yellow there!

2011-02-08T04:07:00.002-05:00

I haven't been doing much reading during the holidays. Can't help that, with the liveliness of Chinese New Year. I wish CNY was like thrice a year. That would be nice. Triple the income. All a girl could do is dream.

Yes, I feel fat 24/7, but this time around I feel GIANT.

Inspiration I do have during the roadtrip to Alor Star, and stopped at Ipoh. So now I am left with zero ideas for my research.

I wanna play mahjong. I shall treat daddy to a nice dinner tonight, yesterday mamak not counted!

Nah, love this guy my all-time, full-time inspiration :)

gonna end my unfinished post here, aaaaaaaahh tired. nice day, world! KTHXBAI!

Gong Hei Fatt Choy!

2011-02-06T05:22:00.000-05:00

Do you feel luckier already? I mean I get that every Chinese New Year. Yet it doesn't transmit that lucky vibe when I play Mahjong. I mean whatever tiles I want, the other players also want, or is keeping for themselves. And whatever tiles I throw out, they game with it.

I was like, a dead fish hanging on its hook with like one chip left before I grew desperate and ate fries. I can't play on an empty stomach. Excuses, I really suck badly that day. HAHA. I still kept on playing like for about 15 games, not that bad of a sore loser eh?

Technically, I wasn't gambling because there wasn't any money involved. Its all good. If I did play, I would have lose like $500. My losing face is really grumpy. When I won like 2 games, my face lits up again. Damn suay lah this year seriously. I get my hands off poker.

Chinese New Year this year, is well different I suppose in a good way.

HAHA I did brought my law books, and a few story books to pretend that I'm very busy. If not, my auntie would ask me to help at the vegetarian restaurant. Its not like I didn't help before but it would be from 8am to 9pm. That would give me less time to rest and enjoy CNY. I do feel a little guilty, but its for the best. My best that is. But I swear next CNY I'll friggin' help.

My auntie is one of the few that works hard and is smart to not close while the other shops close so her restaurant would be packed and triple the income! Though its sad that this time of the year, I could not get awesome dim sums. Its closed/not open :C

My cousin's dog, the Papillon, which means butterfly in French. Look at those butterfly ears. Its shooooo cute! Not to mention smart. Though I think he hates being on my lap, cos I find his paw tickling me and he hates me carrying him as he feels very insecure concerning the way I hold him is like how I hold my books. Which isn't pretty. I shouldn't strangle anyone, what more a cute little thing.

I should cuddle him like a baby. I hope daddy has a thousand dollars to spare me. I know nothing about taking care of pets, but I'll learn soon enough. I need that kind of best friend too :)

Red packets wise, I think slightly less than last year. Oh well no difference as it all goes to the bank. And I keep like 10% from it all and trust me, its not a lot. If I was the only child, my mum can't compare with my brothers and know exactly how much there is in the ang pow. Lets say there is $20 in it, I can't even take out $1 from it.

Yet I can't say I'm broke, technically I do have money but its just not with me.

Will that stop me from spending? We'll see :D

It's always nice to see my relatives once a year, vibrant and jolly. I wore white while the others wore red. The only red shirt I got is my pajamas. So you can't blame me. I did tried to put on bright colors, like pink. Effort is there.

Oh and I touched the I-phone 4, and Ipad! My cousins let the jakun me tap tap and swipe while playing their games like a ninja. Not even them could persuade my Dad to get me one. It depends on my ATAR, shit I'm not that confident to begin with.

Time to talk about college. Hmmmmmmmmm, whichever class I'm quiet in I am usually trying my friggin' best to pay attention and get whatever the lecturer is trying to say. If I ask questions, its usually not subject-related/unnecessary, but I do take a lot of notes. Readable yes. I hope my freshmen assignments didn't scare my lecturers away.

Hee, I'll know next Wednesday. My class is filled with 36 or so other classmates with strong bubbly personalities and I like that. Yet it tends to be quiet. Feels funny to even break that awkward silence. I definitely not missing school...yet. Nostalgic feel I'm feeling though.

I wish you all a great Frappucino February, dang it I'm even too poor to get myself my monthly Starbucks. Have a nice dayy :)

I like roadtrips :)

HEY-LOOOOOOOOO WORLD!

2011-01-28T22:57:00.000-05:00

work comes first :)